Some info on Ko Sukorn

Nice sunsets are not too unusual on Sukorn (image Sukorn Beach Bungalows - Juhong Craemer)

Ko Sukorn is a small/medium sized island close to the coast about 40km south of Trang. It has a sleepy personality with nice rural and coastal scenery, a few villages with friendly locals and about half a dozen bungalow resorts. The beaches are nice, the ones on the west coast having great sunsets and outlooks to some rugged islands further west and to the north. However you white sand seekers will be disappointed, the sand here is more a light grey/brown. No problems to me, except is does get a bit hotter around peak sun.

SUKORN is far bottom-right of image.

I stayed at SUKORN BEACH BUNGALOWS about two thirds the way up the west coast in mid-March. This is really a mid-range place with some very nice bungalows beachfront and spaced through pretty attractive garden-like grounds, but they do have some less expensive flashpacker priced rooms in a single story motel like block up the back. Mine was 750 baht which included 2 free breakfasts per day - the breakfasts would cost 100+ each in a normal bungalow restaurant, which equals a without-breakfast of 550max, pretty fair for what was a good room. I do a detailed report of the room later. Apparantly discounts up to 50% are offered in wet season - the Dutch owner was disarmingly frank when I asked him abt wet season - he said they have lots of nice days but when they get a blow they have to wind down the translucent shutters at the front of the restaurant, the sea does get rough for a time and because visitor numbers are down, you can’t always get what appeals to you on the menu. Speaking of which, the big beachfont indoor-outdoor restaurant was a nice place to spend time - quite a lot of plants were scattered around but by luck or good planning they did not impede the views of the beach and islands. Food was pretty good and prices very reasonable - mid range people must love paying only 10% more than the average budget bungalow restaurant, and less than quite a few. My big Chang standard - 75baht. Some bungalow places I paid 100. Most Thai dishes were 75-85 + rice at 20, pretty good value. The area at the back of the beach has similar luck or skill in tree placement - lots of shade but still great beach/island views from the many beach chairs and lie-lows scattered about. Rugged Ko Laoliang and Ko Takiang are directly west, Ko Petra south of thse, with big Ko Libong and Hat Chao Mai up to the north. Pretty sweet spot to watch, with the company of a Chang or some Mehkong, the sun sink into the ocean around 6pm. The resort has free kayaks, pay internet, hire motorcycles and bicycles and runs trips out to Laoliang and other islands, where there definitely are the classic white sand beaches and very good coral. I didn’t bother about snorkeling out from SBB's beach, but there is a headland about 200m south and another 500m north with some rocks extending out a fair way into the water, so no doubt there would be a bit of coral and definitely fish here. However the island is pretty close to an extensive river estuary, and so water is not the crystal clear stuff you get further out to sea. A ThornTree post shortly before I left set up a lively debate, complaining about bossy staff and a regimented holiday camp atmosphere plus an intolerance to kids, so I paid more than usual attention here - but the staff were great with a cast of seemingly dozens waiting on tables, cleaning rooms (cleaned+linen changed daily) and working on the grounds, lots of smiles etc. True, the head-girl had a rather serious demeanor, but that was just her nature - she was very efficient. There were a few families with kids who seemed to be having a good time, and I didn’t feel organized or regimented - fact is the atmosphere is the opposite: this is one of those places where it is real nice laying around between meals under the trees doing nothing apart from the odd swim out to the pontoon, a walk up the beach, fang in the kayak or maybe grab a Cannondale or Honda step-thru for a bit of leisurely island exploring. Which I did the day after arrival. SBR’s 150baht/day bikes are pretty good except their seat posts are way too short, meaning keen cyclists find their knees up near their chins, resulting in no power or speed. Nevertheless, I did a cicumnav. of the whole island in 5 hours, including 1h+ at the viewpoint and a half hour each in the main village fer some lunch, and at attractive Sukorn Cabana bungalows fer a drink or three, plus a bit of backtracking on the cross island roads. Very little traffic - the only 4 wheeled vehicles I saw belonged to the road building outfit. I often rode for 10-15 minutes without passing traffic or people. The government is spending big money on Sukorn, so that a good concrete road virtually circling the whole island should be finished at the time of writing - virtually because it does jink inland to zig zag thru the rubber plantations in the nw corner and is more central in the south-east half to avoid the mangroves. It is a lot more complete than those maps show. The southern half of the island is flat and elsewhere there are really no killer slopes for cyclists except perhaps a short stretch where the new road wraps around the north end of the island. Apart from the rubber plantations, there are some very laid back rural areas (cash cropping, water buffalo lazing in ponds), quite a lot of forested hills in the northern half, some nice deserted beach areas, the usual fishing related sights and some good places to cop a view of the surrounding region

Sukorn is one of the best islands to check the rural culture of Thai islands unaffected by tourism (image Sukorn Beach Bungalows - Juhong Craemer)

The VIEWPOINT is accessed by climbing a moderately steep track for maybe 20 minutes off one of the central cross roads. You get good views up here by shifting positions (no place had a 360degree outlook), except directly south where I hoped to scope out my next destination, Ko Bulon Lae, plus Ko Taratao. Just as good, the new road around the northern tip of the island climbs quite high and has great views east back to the mainland, north to Libong etc and west to Laoliang etc. But once again, not south. I did get to spot Bulon Lae from the pier in the small ban at the southern tip of the island, but it was too hazy to see Taratao. The villages are pretty laid back. The main one, SIAMMI, where the big arrival pier is, is a reasonable size and has a number of non-touristy restaurants and shops. It showed none of the garbage or rubbish that so many Andaman fishing-orientated dans show. The locals are very friendly. I checked out most of the other bungalow places on my ride. The one which looked most appealing to me was SUKORN CABANA , on its own little bay. This had very nice looking sizable traditional style bungalows, many built up a steep slope behind the beachfront restaurant, which promised great views. The beachfront restaurant was pleasant, prices seemed good and the staff were very friendly. Their bungalows were 800 in March including breakfast, less 15% for extended stays. Cabana is just around the headland from Sukorn Beach Bungalow’s beach, but because it is accessed from a separate road which zig-zags thru the rubber plantations, it has a feeling of seclusion.

Sukorn Cabana's nice little beach (image Sukorn Cabana)

Back on the southern side of that headland and about 400m north of Sukorn Beach Bungalows are adjacent SUKORN ISLAND RESORT and SUKORN ANDAMAN RESORT. These looked similar in style to Beach Bungalows, but seemed pretty deserted in March. I have read positive reports about Island Resort.

Now if you want a really secluded place, TRANG ISLAND RESORT is all by itself on a beach up near the north-west corner of the island. It looked pretty nice, but not as attractive as Cabana, and seemed to have few or no guests when I went by on two occasions. GETTING TO THE ISLAND. Most people come from Trang, and Sukorn Beach Bungalows can organise deluxe transport from the airport or their main street office. The good news for budget travelers is that this is one of those places that has cheap public transport onto the island. I caught a sonthaew that goes up Trang’s main street between the railway station and the clock tower at around 11am. This definitely will stop outside the markets if you want a waiting spot, but if you ask at Sukorn Beach Bungalow’s Trang Office or maybe Wundebar Restaurant-Travel, both in the main street near the corner of the road paralled to the railway station, they will be able to get the songthaew to stop there. From Trang it takes about 30 minutes to go down to Pallian (40baht), where a big long tail-taxi leaves for Sukorn around mid-day (40baht). This takes maybe 45 minutes - the first 20 or so thru some pretty scenic mangroves. I took my usual position on the bow, which paid off, once up to speed the rollers came down to shield passengers in the “cabin’” from the odd bit of spray. On arrival at the pier there will be motorcycle guys to take you across to the west coast resorts for 60baht - a bit over 10 minutes. (most distant Trang Island Resort may cost a bit more) Now I’m not sure how many public boats do this trip daily - I’m guessing the mid-day one and a late arvo one. Note my 3 year old LP says the public boats leave at 10am and 2pm. Interestingly, on my early morning DEPARTURE from Sukorn, Beach Bungalows organized a motorcycle side-car outfit to take me and a couple of Brits across to the pier for 50B each, where we piled into a very crowded 0730 long tail which took us to a DIFFERENT PIER - the much closer Ban Ta Sae (Ta Sai/Tasai) at the sea end of the mangroves, for the same 40B. We climbed into a songthaew which took off for Trang. I bailed out at Ban Na where the side road hits the highway for 30 baht, because I wanted to pick up a bus heading south to La Ngu for Pak Bara, but I assume the fare into Trang is the same 40B. BTW, if you are doing the same as me, you will have time to go into Trang to pick up the Satun govt bus which stops at La Ngu. I waited around for nearly an hour by the roadside and when the bus arrived I sat next to a nice American girl who was on the long tail and songthaew from Ta Sae. Now I know you can do the outward trip TO Sukorn thru Ta Sae - LP says you get a minibus from Rassada Rd south east of Trang central (and just north of the bus station for Satun buses which is separate to the main bus station) to Yan Ta Khoa, which is on the highway only abt 15km south, where you change to a songthaew for Ban Ta Sae. From there you can charter a long tail across to Sukorn. LP does not mention any public boats from Ta Sae, but surely the one I caught goes back? Maybe not, maybe it then goes upriver to Pallian for the mid-day trip out. Or maybe it’s a tidal thing? Who knows - well your intended bungalow if you email them, or one of the many booking agents in Trang. All those outfits opposite the railway station can book you into any Sukorn bungalow. BTW, there are minibuses from the same Rassada Rd depot to Pallian. Note a lot of the short-medium distance public transport around Trang is by minibus rather than songthaew - my experience to Pak Meng and Hat Chao Mai suggests they run roughly hourly. FROM THE SOUTH - it may be best to ask the bus or minibus driver to let you out at the Pallian turnoff (the main road does a right angle turn here and is well sign-posted both before and there). This junction is a bit over an hour from the time the Satun-Trang govt buses leave La Ngu and a bit under an hour by travelers’ minibus from Pak Bara. Trang is still around 30-40% further on. Fom the junction, you may be able to pick up a minibus or songthaew down to Pallian reasonably quickly, and will definitely get one some time. BUDGET ROOMS AT SUKORN BEACH BUNGALOWS - these are big rooms with heaps of space for more than 2 people and their gear. Tiled floor, concrete walls. Two beds almost three-quarter double sized (do they call these king-singles?) with firm comfy mattresses and flattish, slightly hard pillows. Good fan, lots of mirrors, plenty of storage including a small wardrobe. Good insect screens. Room spotless - cleaned/new towels/linen/comp water daily. Good lights for reading inside and on verandah. Latter tiled, clothes drying rack, two seats and a small table, outlook thru partially finished new bungalow place (been like that for 3 years according to SBB owner) to beach and islands. Bathroom is big, tiled, had a basin, western toilet, good water pressure except for shower which trickled. I did the Thai hand-dish out of the water bucket thing, which is fabulous, but hell, it uses lots of water! (We currently have a drought running here in SE Australia). From memory, this cheapest room didn’t have hot water - I never use it in Thailand (or in Australia’s summer) so I don’t take much notice. Ko Sukorn from the north. The nearest half of the island is hilly and mostly unsettled. The highest viewpoint "mountain" can be seen in the distance. Sukorn Beach Bungalows is located on the most distant beach visible on the right. Sukorn Cabana's little bay is just this side. The main village is on the opposite coast near its eastern most extension. The flat southern half of the island is seen stretching away at top (image Sukorn Cabana) ----------------------------------------------------- A reliable Trang travel agent for booking and transport into all Trang and Satun area islands - good on transfers/accommodation to/for Lanta and further north too - KK Travel in the parallel street directly opposite the railway station tel 075-211198, 223664, 081-8945955 ---------------------------------------------- If you visit Sukorn you may also be interested in neary KO LAOLIANG ----------------------------------------------------- If you have any questions, please ask them in THE FORUM rather than below. I don't get a chance to check all threads daily, but unless I'm travelling I'll try to monitor THE FORUM regularly.

Just For Larfs

LATEST NEWS FROM THE LAND OF SMILES

Bangkok gem traders ripped off in tourist dud-cheque scam. * Tuk tuk seen driving on road. * US college girl traveller heard to exclaim, “ OH MY GOD!” * Drug cop reprimanded for talk first, shoot later policy. * Bangkok landlord accidentally burns down whole rent controlled city block. * 5% of budget travellers have no idea. * Pickup-truck collides with tree. 47 members of the same family injured. * Tired and emotional gap year girl seen at Full Moon Party. * World rallychamp Marcus Groenholm overtaken by tourist minibus on timed section of Chiang Rai Rally. * Anopholes mosquitoes decimated by alcoholic poisoning - researchers blame plague of Irish boozers. * 8% of expats have no idea. * Songthaew driver seen to give change. * Khao Sok Park rangers ban Irish passport holders after intoxicated leeches wreck Jungle Lodge bar. * Patong jetski rider injured by recklessly thrown beachball. * Californian skateboarder sets world record 342 kph down mountain pass on northern Samui - still doing 230+ at end of Bo Phut pier. * Government urges Thai businessmen to emulate western counterparts. * Experts at a loss to explain spike in purchases of German prestige cars, golf course condos and offshore tax minimisation schemes. * Tired and emotional gap year girl whines, “No one understands me.” * Company making radically quiet longtail motors files for bankruptcy. * Coastguard winds down search for missing skateboarder off southern Ko Phangan. * Buttock flashing Aussie surfer tells police after arrest at Full Moon Party, “I don’t get it.” * 25% of package tourists have no idea. * Experts attribute 2% fall in road toll to 20% rise in size of traffic offence bribes. * Police announce new 25% target for reduction in road toll. * Gallic tourists manage to transfer baggage from pier to Ko Whai ferry in under 3 hours. * 30% of sex tourists have no idea. * Cobra on life support after biting Irish tourist. * Tuk tuk makes direct railway station to KSR trip. * Buttock flashing Kylie Minogue clone at FMP bribed by Thai police for repeat performance. * Freeway and tunnel into Railey announced. * Park rangers find skateboarder shaped void punched through treetops on highest Ko Phangan Peak. Search shifts to Ko Tao. * 50% of this forum’s feminazis have no idea. * Overloaded songthaew sets world wheelstanding record. * Shameless farang bare-flesh display on Samui shocks Thai domestic holiday makers. * Hua Hin chamber of commerce can’t explain loss of local tourists to southern Gulf islands. * Smart rabid dog doesn’t bite Irishman. * Government law and order consultant unmasked as Nuremberg Trials escapee and former Pinochet security chief. * Self proclaimed internet Thai culture expert spends all holiday in Nana Plaza bar. * Bizarre identity mix-up sees paparazzi and royal watchers stake out Fergy’s Cha Am Gazebo and Grill. * New 130kph defacto speed limit for tourist minibuses will only be enforced in urban areas. * Government spokesperson justifies replacement of ministerial BMWs with more expensive Mercedes as an economy initiative: lower depreciation. * Air France flight hits minor turbulence near Phuket. Passengers don’t panic. * 70% of this forum’s environazis have no idea. * Local budget airline hits minor turbulence after Phuket landing. Control tower directs pilot off freeway into airport. * NurburgRing style race circuit planned for Ko Samet. * Brighton bootscooters slam music choice at island all night dance party. * Research shows 10% of expats are sometimes sober. * Vivacious and beautiful female traveller calls shy, unattractive sex tourist loser a loser. * No chance of ‘98 financial crisis repeat, claims government. * Thai central banker perplexed: “Profligate lending? Capital adequacy ratio? The credit multiplier? Please explain?” * British males agree best part of Thai travel is ease of access to Premier League replays. * 5000 berth marina and cruise liner terminal announced for Ko Poda. * Research indicates football fans sulk for an average 3 days when replays show their side losing. * Disproportionately high numbers of very pretty Thai females on Hat Yai to Singapore buses attributed to insatiable demand for secretarial services. * Stall holders treated for shock after Israeli bargain hunters visit ChIang Mai night market. * 80% of this forum’s culture experts have no idea. * 25 backpackers crushed in rush for discount dreadlocks. * New Zealand, Australian and Thai authorities sign new 6 month visa-free agreement. * Isan farmers begin moving nervous sheep to Laos. * Pedantic Swiss tourist saves second half of duty free booze for second half of trip. * Bob Marley fans riot after “Hotel California” announced top tune by KSR bar owners. * Grinning and exhausted young Brit says, “She was really a guy? Blimey!” * Defence spokesperson “mystified” when questioned about army purchase of logging trucks. * Katoey association announces end to backdoor discounts. * Holidaying Wall St commodity trader moans about spike in KPG accommodation prices around Full Moon Party time. * 35 year old traveller clams: “Ko Chang is way better now.” * International airport planned for Ko Nangyuan. * Tired and emotional gap year girl whines, “Send more money.” * Strange kilometre long skidmarks through front door of Cha Am bar and grill lead police to missing skateboarder undergoing post-flight debriefing with go go dancers in mud-wrestling pit. * 100% of this forum’s weather nerd/island blogger has no idea.


FURTHER NEWS FROM THE LAND OF SMILES

* new bird flu panic after authorities find dead hens at chicken processing plant * Britney Spears rescued from Banglamphu dumpster during anti-trash campaign * Thai leaders announce radical new experiment: democracy * surveys show less chance of being taken by a shark than killed by ballistic ping pong balls * self appointed Thorntree fashion/morals/culture police self destruct in sarong right tie/left tie debate * oil found near Ko Chang: Bush administration declares Trat Province haven for Weapons of Mass Destruction * Anna Kournikova wins Ban Sala Dan Open * some tsunami aid funds reach victims: authorities investigating * blue and red longtails collide, passengers marooned * Thai mothers lock up teenage sons during Demi Moore visit * 90% of gap year travellers give other 10% a bad name * Thai mothers lock up pre-teenage sons during Thriller visit * survey shows nearly 50% of Israeli visitors spend less than the average tourist * Isan animal-lover tourism decimated after shepherds start packing AK47s with night scopes * the Non-Corrupt Police Association holds annual meeting in Sukhumvit phone booth * Thai restaurateurs lock up broom cupboards during Boris Becker visit * no-one hurt in drive-by shoot-up of Sukhumvit phone booth * internal police investigation reveals wrong phone booth * Thai billionaire with explicit photographs of 13 year-old on hard drive has prosecution dropped by claiming he was waiting until she turned 16 to view them * Thai kiddie-porn prosecutor credits recent Phuket golf club condo purchase to poker game winnings * Bangkok to host World Masochist Championships * Thai celebrity hounds lock up taste during Osbourne family visit * famous Moulin Blue katoey revue signs David Beckham for high-kick expertise * Metal band Limp Bizkit riverside concert drowned out by passing longtail noise * Moulin Blue dance director claims David Beckham slots into chorus line with only minor cosmetic butching * Thai deportation of British sex tourists lifts moral standards in both countries * Thai storekeepers lock up everything during Wynona Ryder visit * sustainable energy greenies and endangered species environmentalists duke it out at Cape Promthep wind electicity bird-kill site * Ban Saphin wrecked by English football fans after local scratch town team thrashes Manchester United * travel-forum bad-mouther of favourite destination to deter other travellers finds her bungalow complex gone bust due to lack of customers * ManU appeals football loss after Ban Saphin ball-boy found to come from Ban Krut * Lindsay Lohan falls off stage during welcoming speech at the Ratchaburi Rehab Convention * Ban Saphan wrecked by English football fans celebrating successful appeal * Phuket authorities ban Aussie surfers after dangerous spike in sea pollution index * Pattaya paparazzi killed in crush to photograph Paris Hilton limo exit * Thai politicians unlock cigar boxes during Monica Lewingski visit.
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BURN

Thank you big time for choosing our nice island bungalow. Following is some user instruction.

Don’t worry about tucking mosquito net into mattress so tight that corners rip. Or using bathroom bidet hand-gun for awsum water fight with friends - and leaning so hard on hand basin when washing undies that it fall off wall. When you lose key on stagger-home from Moonlight Bar, don’t give a think about damage caused by shoulder-charging door to get in. No problems baby, me fix real easy.

What is very big time important is DO NOT READ INSTRUCTION ON INSIDE WALL. Holey smoke, even if you do read, you think they for Thai visitors only because # 6 say - must not be cooking in bungalow room . So you stop read before # 7 - pleasing me, not light candal in room or on venarda.
After you not read these, make sure you get even more tanked in room after Moonlight Bar visit. Or maybe have blazing row with partner. Or super-wild recreation work-out with partner/new friend from bar/Inflatable Ingrid/whatever. All these things make dead-set certain you knock candal over.

See how we spend big baht on authentic bamboo-weave walls and thatch roof. This not only so you feel way cool staying in traditional fisherman hut just like crazy movie The Beach, but also to make super easy for you to burn the sucker down.
Thatch roof on-fire make big-time spark-shower which spread blaze real nice so all other 24 bungalow in complex totally torched. Hey, you really have something to tell Fiona and Nigel back home at the office.
.
Final instruction is do heavy-duty run training before visit. Come in very handy escaping my machete. Not to mention kicks, sticks, bottles and stones from 40 homeless, gearless Farang tourists.

Curse of the curdled curry if you not read this, and please don’t come back.

note from tezza: Before all you smart marthas post in and ask me if I managed to save Ingrid from the blaze, let me vigorously deny ownership. I got the budget, vinyl, trailer-trash version - BlowUp Britney.
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HOW PHI PHI LEY GOT ITS NAME

A fuller enjoyment of travelling can be experienced if you know the derivation of Thai place names.
For instance a Canadian sailor called Daniel Puquette once wrecked his clipper on the northern end of Ko Lanta. Trust those crazy Thais to call the subsequent village Ban Sala Dan. Puquette later moved to another big Andaman coast island, but researchers can’t figure which one*.

During the Vietnam War an American GI called Raymond Lay (rumoured to be the uncle of Enron scam bad boy Kenneth Lay) did a runner from a K-ration purchasing scam investigation and holed up in a beautiful bay just north of Krabi town. Gotta be Ton Sai cause it rhythms with Lay, right?
But once Ray Lay’s place started to get popular with the beads and bongo set, he got real pissed and settled on the smaller of spectacular twin islands to the south-west where he had a fine recreational cash cropping enterprise going. Which was great until that idiot with the map turned up from KSR.

Candlelight Beach on Ko Samet is so named because there is definitely a good section of sand there.

But some things are a mystery - as far as I know, nobody ever shot roosters on the eastern bank of the lower Chao Phraya. And nobody called Don pioneered the bigger Phi Phi.

*Jeez, how hopeless are those academic researchers? I mean, come on, Puquette went to a “big” Andaman coast island. Big?? Where else but Tarutao?
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ALMAGEDDON

Inspired by the megabucks raked in by THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW, Thai movie makers have several disaster blockbusters in planning. If you love having the hell scared out of you or are one of those smug types who enjoy watching nature’s abusers get theirs, you are gonna have a great time.

SOME TIME AFTER NEXT WEEK
....with a title reflecting relaxed Thai attitudes to time, the plot has government immigration and tourist officials ignoring warnings from climatologists about the danger of all that hot air generated by the 30s+ falang shorts, socks and sandals brigade which hangs around Sukhumvit bars and clubs. This results in catastrophic flooding from thermal expansion of the Thai Gulf stream plus the melting of millions of ice cubes in Patpong, Patong and Pattaya bars. Not to mention devastating rain and hail storms and through some unexplained quirk of science, a mutation of Samet mosquitoes to the size of 747s from their normal executive jet proportions.
Worse still, a northward migration of Sumatran man eating crocodiles sees several tourists being chomped off the new surf beaches of Ko Chiang Mai. Which in turn leads to the invasion of Aussie lunatic Steve Irwin, who, baby croc-hunter on hip and hauling on the tail of a 6m mugger with both hands, says: “Crikey, get a load of this one! Ain’t he a beauty!” I won’t spoil what happens next except to say this is one righteous disaster movie.

ALMAGEDDON
....the Thais never have been real good on the “r”s.
Thai astronomers pick up a giant meteor heading straight for earth, ground zero KSR. Some commentators see this as no bad thing until it is pointed out that the impact will be so massive it will end life on earth as we know it. Jeez trendsetters, just when Tammy Wynett is planning a comeback. What are we gonna do?
In the nick of time, someone remembers Patpong Soonay - aka “Leathal Weapon”, an exotic entertainer from Nana Plaza who can fire off a string of ping pong balls quicker and with more force than one of those Gattling machine cannons on an A10 Tankbuster. They get her lined up just perfect and she belts out a single beautiful deflection shot which would have billiards legend Minnesota Fats swooning with envy. This swerves the meteor onto a near-miss trajectory and it merely takes out the top 2 floors of the TrumpTower in NYC, including the executive suite. An intergalactic You're Fired! - with interest.
“Whew, that was a close shave!” says PM Toxin, grinning appreciatively at Soonay who is still in the recumbent firing position. In a shameless bit of product placement which would do Hollywood proud, she says: “I owe it all to my Lady Remington”.

THE CHESAPEAKE SYNDROME
....a cute Thai babe working at the Three Mile Ko thermal power plant battles corporate cover-ups and regulatory indifference when an insidious outbreak of electro-magnetic radiation starts to infiltrate co-workers. This causes their hair to stand on end worse than David Beckham’s on one of his more idiotic look at me days, every electrical appliance to fuse when they return to the ban, and when they plug into their partners, the latters’ eyes flash TILT and they pass clean out.
Worse still, one affected worker makes a Homer Simpson type mistake and presses the wrong plant button, resulting in the protective lining melting down, which allows a giant magnetic pulse to escape outside. This instantly burns out all electrical switches, engines, computers and connections in south-central Thailand. Aircraft start falling from the sky, vehicles stop dead starting huge traffic jams (except in Bangkok which already had huge traffic jams) and falang tourists riot when they can’t watch replays of the big football game from home.
Following what is known in electrical science as the Clint Eastwood Law (Every Which Way and Lose) the magnetic pulse also heads downwards through the core of the earth and reappears on the opposite surface at Chesapeake Bay in good old USA, where it fritzes the complete electrical grid in a 300 mile radius, includingWashington DC. George Bush riots when he can’t watch Days of Our Lives. Knowing he needs a lift in opinion polls, he accuses Thailand of using a Weapon of Mass Destruction and sends in the boys. 6 months later, with Thailand in ruins even old TopGun(AWOL) has to admit it was an accident not WMD, but claims justification because “the Thai people have been liberated from that harsh and brutal tyrant Toxin”. Washington and Bangkok watchers concede that the last 5 words are the closest Dubbya has been to the truth all year.

ON THE BEACH
....This is a remake of the 50s doomsday classic where most of the world has perished in a nuclear winter, and the radiation cloud is heading for the last place people are left alive. Which gives our heroes only so much time! In this case, the last place is Hat Rin, not Melbourne, but we still have a visiting US warship who’s captain falls in love with a beautiful local girl. The captain is played by Leo de Crapolino, doing yet another stinker about Thai beaches.
At least Leo has perspective, if not originality. After spending 2 days pre-production in Hat Rin, enduring drunk English lager louts, tired and emotional gap year girls, surly Israelis, doped out neo-hippies, rip-off locals and womp womp womp dance music all hours, he says: “ I can’t think of anywhere better to do a movie about the last place on earth.”
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MAINTAIN THE RAGE!

SCENE: A cheap office in a big city near you. A motley group of people are seated at computer monitors - all logged into Thorn Tree - except for Brian aka Sheik Sanctimony, the teams ethical correspondent, who is checking the Barely Legal website.Raymond, the team leader stides to the front of the room and claps his hands.

RAYMOND: Okay gang, listen up. Here’s your work briefs. I’ve got a list of ThornTree posts reporting scams at airports, hotels etc. Victoria, I want you to use your AS-IF handle to doubt the messenger. And Paul, you do your usual PerfectTraveller routine and tell them anyone who knows anything about travel wouldn’t be dumb enough to fall for that stupid trick….Paul?….Um, anyone seen Paul?

CHRISTINE (handle Dobber): Looks like he got lost coming in again. I saw him wandering around Central scratching his head.

RAYMOND: At least he‘s got perfect knowledge of Bangkok bars and strip joints. Moving on gang, Dicky’s trying to set a third consecutive record for his Serial Contrarian routine. He managed to oppose the ideas of 153 posters yesterday and get into 189 protracted arguments with 132 of them. I particularly liked the way he told the anti-sextourist US college girl she was a narrow minded bitch and next post informed the bloke wanting to know where to find a long-time girl in Patong he was a perverted loser.

DICKY: I didn’t say perverted loser, I said sick bastard!!

RAYMOND: There you go Team, Dicky’s getting into character already.

DICKY: I’m always in character!!!

TEAM: Yay Dicky! Go, Go!!!

DICKY: Shut the fuck up losers!!!

RAYMOND: Moving on again - EcoWarrior, I want more environmental bullshit to keep tourists away from our favourite spots. They’re suckers for the over-tourism spoiling pristine locations line.Tyffani, you have to improve your strike-rate if you want of hold onto the Pedant-Meister handle. I counted 82 spelling, grammar and syntax messages you missed yesterday. You gotta shape up or ship off.

TYFFANI: Sorry Raymond. I aint been feeling no good lately. And that’s “Shape Up or Ship Away".

RAYMOND: Whatever. Fiona baby, I have a list of blabbermouths telling everyone about lovely places we want to keep secret. So do your usual thing and bullshit the readers how awful and overcrowded they are. And abuse hell out of the blabbermouths. Don’t be afraid to email your off-line friends for support if anyone gives you problems.

FIONA: They’ve all been banned from ThornTree Raymond, but I know the gang here will back me with some heavy duty tag-team abuse. We were really giving it to that Antipodean big-mouth who was telling everyone about secret snorkelling spots yesterday.

RAYMOND: Yes gang, great teamwork there! Which reminds me, I got a list of posts the moderator has appeared on in the last day - hit those threads and get real chatty with him. The old mod was a sucker for the pally routine, and was very reluctant to ban serial-suck ups. Don’t know if it will work with the new guy, but it’s worth a try.And Dobber, your job is to dob in any possible breach of the rules and conditions done by anyone NOT a member of our team. Keep the mod so busy he wont have time to deal with any complaints against us.

STEVE: What about me, Jim and Sally. Want us to keep rubbishing users of words like “chill”, posters of boring questions on health, the weather, visas and so on, and keep flaming gap-yearers, hippies, fire-stick twirlers and the rest?

RAYMOND: You got it Stephano, and lots of the good old Behaviour/Cutltural/Political Correctness Police stuff. Give them heaps.

DOBBER: Sheik Sanctimony’s got a beaver shot on his monitor! He’s looking at those Russian teenage girl sites again!!!

SHEIK S: Purely research. I gotta know what the bastards I’m flaming are looking at.

FIONA: What bullshit! You are such a total sleaze Brian. Everyone knows those Russian girls are 14 year old orphans being totally exploited by unscrupulous sex-mafia bastards and your viewing is tacit support of their sleazy perfidy!

SERIAL CONTRARIAN: You are so totally full of crap Fiona. All the girls on those site are over 18. The disclosure statement says exactly that. Didn’t they teach you to read back in Bumfuck Nebraska?

SALLY: What a naïve and offensive creep you are Dicky! Such a complete asshole!!

PEDANT-MEISTER: That’s arseholl, ignoramis.

JIM: Stay out of it Tyffani. If brains were electricity, your grid would be in permanent shut-down.

TYFFANI: I resemble that!

An ash-tray flies across the room, misses Jim and clocks Dicky a beauty upside the head.

DOBBBER: Tyffani threw that! I saw it with my own eyes!!!

This is followed by a cross-fire of monitors, chairs, printers, EcoWarrior’s nuclear-powered vibrator and Sheik Sanctimony’s full-size bust of Paris Hilton’s bust. This strikes the gas heater and overturns it.Scene dissolves as smoke and flames rapidly spread. Fade out to the theme from "Friends".

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A 2008 Yuletide Message from the Sheelberight Family.

Dear friends, it’s been another eventful year for our gang, hope yours has been as lively.

Travel seemed to be the main theme this year, starting early when our Kylie was caught with a truckload of hydroponic ganga in her body-board bag at Phuket Airport enroute to the usual family January at Patong.. As if it was hers! It was clearly stashed in there by someone else. Her cousin Simon didn’t exactly put his hand up, but he did get some angry calls from some very pissed local gentlemen in Patong. Fortunately the Thai police and customs people were very understanding of Kylie’s predicament, and for such a reasonable sum. We aren’t too sure about Simon however, on account he still hasn’t returned from that surfing trip to south Kata. Probably met a local wahini. Or something.

Kylie’s twin brother Lee seemed to have an epiphany on that trip after a visit to Soi Bangla because on return home he sold his collection of priceless Abba cover albums (I’m heartbroken!) and made a second Phuket visit in March. When he got home, he’d become Leigh, and very fetching too. Except that Kylie is totally pissed about his wardrobe raids. Plus all these expat Brits who live around town keep visiting. What is it with Brit men and chicks with dicks? I blame all those dodgy public school teachers they got in Old Blighty going the grope on the little boys.

Hubby Bruce is enamoured with Ko Maak - he and I got a great little bungalow in the middle of a coconut plantation in August. Only problem was the local monkeys’ nightly line-dance competition on the tin roof. Bruce bought this huge fire cracker at the local fishing-supply store and when the critters started up next night, lit the big bastard up and threw it on the roof.
Nobody told us it was fishing dynamite. Blew us 30 meters backwards onto the beach, most of the bungalow clear to Trat, and the monkeys are somewhere out around the planet Moog. All the local dogs took off for Cambodia and haven’t been seen since (that’s a plus). And 400000 coconuts dropped from the trees prematurely.
Crikey, it was sooo funny, but the locals didn’t seem to appreciate the humour. No worries, the usual crossing of the palm with the district police chief and we were out of Trat jail and on the bus for Bangkok by morning.

Wished the same trick worked in Australia. Old grandad Merv is a bit past trips to Thailand these days on account he is wheelchair confined, but we keep him in the holiday frame of mind by dropping him off at the foot of the stairs to the local backpackers’ place where all these lovely young Euro girls are constantly coming in or out. Mind you, if they keep wearing those micro-minis and g-strings the old bugger could fritz the wiring in his pacemaker. Merv reckons those “babes” beat www.hotsurferchicks anytime.
A couple of local skater hoods started to hassle him just this week, grabbing his hat as they passed. So next day he brought a can of that non-stick Teflon and sprayed the footpath. Next pass they spun out big-time and went smack into the side of a passing Bondi bus. Who said old-timers can’t contribute usefully to society?
Talk about laugh! Except the local cops didn’t laugh, booked poor old Merv for public nuisance, and no-way do those creeps accept persuaders Thai-style. Makes a person want to migrate.

Which is what Bruce and I are doing come the new year. Bruce has been researching business offers in Thailand. Some local dude is selling him an entire island in the Similans for 5000000 baht - great for a bungalow site and some cash cropping - plus a no-compete guarantee from the local dope-mafia. What can go wrong with a deal like that?

Anyway, have a good Chrissie and a great Newie…..Sheila.

A 2009 Yuletide Message from the Sheelberight Family

Dear friends, 09’s been another eventful year for our mob, hope yours has been as lively.
You might remember I signed off last years’ message with the news hubby Bruce and I were buying an island in Thailan'ds gorgeous Similan islands. You ca’nt imagine how shocked we were to learn they were all National Park and we had done our 40% deposit of 2 million baht.
Bruce got so upset he jumped on Jetstar for Phuket, went right around to the broker and smacked him square between the eyes.
I became an expert on the Phuket region and Thai criminal law over the next month as I organised his release from the cooler.
I found a great local lawyer, Mr Lek, who made all the charges disappear for only 20000 baht. And how good is this - he says he can get National Park to rezone our land for only 300,000!

I also mentioned in last ye'ars message that son Lee had become Leigh after the big cosmetic surgery trip to the LOS. And how all these Brit expat blokes in our home town started to hang around our joint.
Well I’m proud to announce that in March Leigh and this ex-merchant seaman from Liverpool got hooked - Buster is such a big burly bloke too!! 5 of Leigh’s ex-rugby mates dressed in sarongs and bikini tops acted as bridesmaids.
I must admit I shed a tear.
Daughter Kylie is no longer pissed at Le’ighs wardrobe raids - in fact Buster has such exquisite taste in selecting L'eighs outfits that Leigh's now pissed at Kylies raid’s.

Kylie had a big Thailand year. When we were trying to spring Bruce from the big house she met a young Thai guy and they became an item. Real intellectual this bloke - always steered the conversation towards the meaning of life, which to him meant having enough money, which he didn’t, and how ‘Kylies blossoming erotic-photographic model career could easily finance it.
Then on a later trip we are all in a Krabi beer lounge and this blokes in'laws walk in and berate him for neglecting his 16yo wife and 3 kids back in the baaaan while he has a great time with farang trash. And they start abusing Kylie.
So Bruce smacked the lot of them right between the eyes.
Mr Lek sorted that out for only 25000 and reckoned another 100000 for the Phang Nga Land Commissioner would do the trick for our island.
Springing Bruce took 6 weeks this time - what I dont know about the Krabi district aint worth knowing.

Kylie got a photo-shoot offer in Bangkok in November so we were back there when those yellow shirt drongos blockaded the airport. Got an urgent message from Leigh - after an argument, Buster had burned down our hydoponic-ganga facility and run off with Edna Everage. We needed to get back to Australia real quick so jumped on a bus some Thais had organised for people wanting to get down to Phuket airport which was still open. Only $us150.
Half way there the bus pulled into some god-forsaken service area and the bloke running the operation says YOU ONLY PAY HALF. YOU PAY ANOTHER $150. NOW!
Bruce smacked him square between the eyes.
The drivers and 6 Thais lurking in the baggage compartment beat the crap out of him, as did the local cops when called. That took 40000 via Mr Lek to the cops plus $2300 to replace a stolen laptop and cameras from our bags. And a 6 weeks/10000baht hospital stay.
What I don’t know about the Chumpon district is a waste of space.
The good news was that Mr Lek reckoned a mere 60000 for the Lands Title Registrar in Bangkok would wind up our island purchase.

Now some sad news. I mentioned last year how wheelchair-confined grandad Merv sprays Teflon non-stick on the footpath outside the local backpackers hostel to wipe-out passing skater hoods who keep grabbing his hat when he’s spekking out the young backpacker girls. Well this backfired big-time last week when a passing Kristy Alley clone from Blackpool slipped and fell on him.
I thought he’d been crushed to death but the coroner said the old bugger’s heart gave away with all the excitement. We had an open coffin funeral - the undertaker couldn’t get the smile off Merv”s face. Although what could be enjoyable about lying under a 17 stone miniskirted all tits all thighs 20 year old I cant imagine. Old men are even weirder than younger ones.

Breaking News - just as I was about to slip this in the envelope, I got a message from Bruce who is back in Thailand to take delivery of the island title. Mr Lek told him that due to the change in government a whole lot of new officials are holding their hands out. 300000 should do it.
Bruce smacked him square between the eyes.
At least he did it at Mr Lek’s’ holiday villa in Chaweng. A couple of months on Samui aint too bad - I know bugger all about the place.

Anyway, have a good Chrissie and a great Newie
XXXXX Sheila.

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A 2010 Yuletide Message from the Sheelberight Family

My God, don’t the months roll by quickly friends! It seems only yesterday I was concluding my second yearly sum-up from the Land of Smiles with hubby Bruce facing an extended stay in the Samui big house on account of smacking our Thai lawyer over a land deal gone crooked - and here we are again!

That stay was uneventful until early February when Bruce, barbequing prime steaks for the jail governor the Aussie way with a welder’s oxy-torch, set fire to the kitchen and burned the whole joint down. Which allowed 754 prisoners to escape (probably all from the one cell).
The authorities seemed to think Bruce did it on purpose because when they caught him in a stolen boat just short of Malaysian border they beat the crap out of him. Ah well, it could have been worse - Songkhla has a good hospital with way lower bribes than Samui for proper service and after 10 weeks in the town I’m a walking encyclopaedia on the south-east peninsula.

Son Lee, who of course is now Leigh after the big gender realignment, was encouraged by Uncle Bill, Bruce’s visiting and very dodgy brother, to reinvolve himself with athletics which he excelled at when younger. At 5’11” (180cm) he easily shut down the relatively short-legged Thai girls in the 800m and made Bill a fortune in bets.
The Thai bookies soon got tired of that and imported some South African champion who is so clearly a bloke. I mean trust the South Africans to cheat in sport - does anyone remember Hansie Cronje? Anyway his dude blew Leigh away and Bill was left owing the bookies a bigger debt than the US Treasury‘s. So it’s not surprising Bill disappeared a few days later. I’m a bit worried the bookies got to him, but Bruce reckons Bill’s on the lam.
I’m not convinced - you might remember Bill’s son Simon who vanished in Phuket 3 years ago after a load of hydro-ganga he allegedly stashed for the Patong drug mafia was found by customs in our daughter Kylie’s body-board bag. Simon still hasn’t surfaced . Excuse my choice of words.

Kylie’s blossoming photographic modelling career goes from strength to strength. Although I’m a bit worried she’s working too hard. She tells me most of her stuff is online, but is always so tired she can’t remember the web address. Nevertheless she’s made some lovely new friends in Bangkok - whenever she visits us she has two or three really biiiigg black Americans in tow. Brothers are pretty scarce over here - maybe they are entertainment industry specific - rappers or something.

Bruce used to be a sparky’s assistant back in the day, and when Kylie’s beautiful industry friend Soonay landed a contract for the Ko Maak Sport’s Illustrated Swimsuit Issue he volunteered to wire up the lighting. Seems he got the calculations on the amperage wrong, because when he threw the switch the fuse box exploded and the brand new studio went up in flames. Who would have thought such nasty people were behind sports publishing in Thailand? By the time Bruce got out of hospital I was an expert on the geography of the eastern Gulf.

I’m sure you will all be pleased to know our resort development on the Similans was finally cleared of red tape and only requires a bribe of seven thousand baht per week to National Park bigwigs to keep legit. Once opened viability seemed marginal thanks to the World Financial Crisis - until Leigh came to work for us in the restaurant. From that time on we have been inundated with middle-aged English blokes. I’ve asked before - what is it with Brits and chicks with dicks? I blame all those cold showers in the public school system. One curate was so taken with Leigh he’s booked the resort out this February for his diocese’s vicars’ convention.

Good things never last unfortunately. We got a twisted sister from Blackpool book in mid December with his friend, inflatable Ingrid. They had a blazing row first night and knocked a candle over in a bitch slapping session. The bungalow and then the whole resort went up in flames. Bruce couldn’t believe anyone could be so careless! He was livid and took off after the culprits with his machete. The only sign of any of them since was a cut and deflated Ingrid washing up on a Ko Phayam beach last week. Ah well, it could be worse. I don’t know a thing about the upper Andaman.

Anyway, have a good Chrissie and a great Newie ……. luv, Sheila.

A 2011 Yuletide message from the Sheelberight Family

How quickly does a year pass? Here we are back in the festive season seemingly a few months since the last. Hope your 2011 was as lively as ours.

In my last message I mentioned hubby Bruce was absent somewhere up around Burma chasing some Brit burk who managed to burn our Similans bungalow resort to the ground when a bitch-slapping session with his Inflatable Ingrid saw a candle overturned.
The good news is that when Bruce returned he had a bagfull of cash from some sort of deal, nothing to do with the Brit.
I don’t know how it works but frequently we have a fishing boat moored in our little bay, except the holds seem full of used military ordnance. Coincidently we have a new breed of swarthy Russian male visitors who seem to have an intense interest in the piscine industry’s supply of grenade launchers and speak fluent cashese to some dodgy looking repeat guests from up north.

No worries, all this business managed to allow us to rebuild out resort, although National Parks wanted another million baht for zoning approval.
If that was not bad enough we had the Takua Pa National Park chief staying most weekends with his extended family in our best bungalows - gratis of course.
Bruce decided to put an end to this, not by smacking anyone between the eyes which as you know is his standard response to problems here and has landed him in just about every jail and hospital from Trat to Trang - but by donning a white sheet and pretending to be the ghost of some poor tsunami victim.
The Thais have a thing about ghosts - it’s a little know fact that virtually all the post-tsunami rebuilding was done by Burmese labour who don’t give a fig about the supernatural.
Anyway, Bruce was doing a moonlight moaning session on the bungalow patio when one of the NP party shot him in the arm with a spear gun! I mean how typically Thai - a spear gun in a marine national park! Next they’ll be allowing jet-skis. Apart from ours’ of course.
I can’t tell you how difficult it was unobtrusively offloading Bruce to Takua Pa hospital at the same time as 2 boatloads of Thais were hightailing it for the mainland.

You might remember how our gorgeous offspring Leigh after the big gender realigning had been attracting a steady stream of British vicar inservice groups to our resort before the fire. Well I’m happy to say this trade has picked right up again - seems those vicars really like their chicks with dicks. Gets better - apparently British schoolies have the same interests: this year we have had 10 visiting headmasters’ conventions.
Some of these blokes are firing both ways - when daughter Kylie visits from Bangkok she augments her photographic modelling income by offering nude figure sessions on the back beach. Just last week we had a brawl between the head teacher at Brighton Junior Grammar and two of the Ruskie arms Mafioso for key position at the base of the climbing vine.

Now for some pleasing news. You may remember my message from way back in 2008 mentioned how Kylie’s cousin Simon had gone missing on our Phuket visit after customs discovered a huge load of hydroponic ganga in Kylie’s body-board bag. When some nasty looking Thai dudes came around enquiring about his whereabouts the general consensus was that maybe Simon had put the stash there.
And that he was either on the lam or sitting on the bottom off Kata Noi in concrete surf shorts.
Well the good news is he was on the lam. To the Mentawai Islands off Sumatra actually, good surf country and apparently good cash-cropping country too.
Seems things got a bit hot down there and he when heard about our resort from a bunch of Surf For Jesus freaks he showed up in August, looking for a job. But Simon being Simon, apparently had continued his dodgy approach to commerce when down south because a few weeks later some shifty Indo criminal types landed on our island looking for him. While Simon took a quick trip to island #9 Bruce had a natter to the Russians about how a bunch of Indo hoods might attract the interest of customs, immigration and the police. And to the vicars about how Indos had a hatred for chicks with dicks. Problem fixed.

I’m so glad Bruce has been using his brains instead of his brawn these days. But recidivist tendencies die hard - Kylie rang from Phuket yesterday saying some jet ski operators had charged her holidaying friend Samantha 10000baht for a scratch already existing. Bruce took off immediately muttering all sorts of threats, much to my concern. Although he did have a bag of prawn heads and a tube of Liquid Nails. I do hope he seals the shrimp skulls in the flotation compartments while Kylie distracts the goons with her impossibly immodest g-string.
So far so good - I haven’t heard a word from any Phuket hospitals.

That’s all for now. Hope you are looking forward to 2012 as much as we are.

Luv, Sheila.
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If you are a glutton for low grade humour maybe you would be interested in:

STONES FROM THE JOKER IN THE GLASS HOUSE

THE WORRY COLLECTIVE

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If you have any questions, please ask them in THE FORUM rather than below. I don't get a chance to check all threads daily, but unless I'm travelling I'll try to monitor THE FORUM regularly.

Whitsunday Cruising on the Cheap

You can cruise the Whitsundays on all sorts of boats - cruising yachts, catamarans, ex ocean racers, dive boats and tall ships like Sollway Lass above - seen at Blue Pearl Bay off Hayman Island which has some of the best coral and fish life I've seen anywhere (image Australian Tall Ships Cruises)

The Whitsunday islands are 74 mountainous, heavily forested islands with deep inlets, pristine beaches and wonderful fringing coral reefs. They lie in the sheltered waters between the Great Barrier Reef and the rugged mid-Queensland coast.
This area has some of the best coral and fish I’ve seen, and Whitehaven Beach makes all expert’s lists of the world’s most striking beaches.

This is a popular holiday destination with a number of island and mainland resorts, and diverse water activities ranging from island and reef day-trips, diving and snorkelling excursions to much cruising around in boats.
You can do day cruises on ex-racing yachts, charter a yacht or motor-cruiser for multi-day trips (skipper provided if you can’t sail) or join other travellers in fully-catered 3 day or 2 day trips around the area, staying overnight in sheltered bays or in a few cases, at island resorts or camping spots.

The Whitsundays - Whitehaven Beach is the east-facing arc on the southeast end of Whitsunday Island (image www.sailing-whitsunday.com/)

There are a dozen plus operators running 30 or more travelers’ yachts around the Whitsundays, with everything from 10m cruisers thru ex-Sydney-Hobart maxi-racers to classic 3 mast tall-ships. Check http://www.sailing-whitsunday.com/ and http://www.airliebeach.com/ to get an idea. Some yachts have dive-masters fer you bubble-blowers and offer free introductory dives for novices. Cheapskate tezza has done about half a dozen free introductory dives. There are also several dedicated overnight motor cruiser type dive boats and lots of dive dayboats.
Prices tend to start at around the $280 mark for the shorter travellers' yachting trips, and considerable standby discounts are often available.

Heading for Whitehaven Beach. Contrary to statements elsewhere on this blog, that aint Tezza after the big cosmetic-surgery trip to Phuket - Tezza is way hotter.

Airlie Beach is the mainland base for the islands. This attractive town, 1200 km north of Brisbane and 600 km south of Cairns has plentiful accommodation of all standards and a lively nightlife. Note there is no nice ocean beach here, although there is a great free artificial lagoon-type swimming pool covering several acres with a small imported beach and the best bird watching north of Noosa. Pacific Sea Raptors I mean. For more info and lot of pics, see this page.

The islands also have a half dozen or so resorts from the super luxury Hayman Island Resort to the perfectly located budget Hook Island Retreat which has backpacker facilities and camp sites. Camping is also available at a couple of National Park sites for $3 a day. More info at Budget Resorting in the Whitsundays.

Hamilton Island has the biggest resort in the Whitsundays, plus an commercial jet airport, marina and residential lots for rich guys (far right) - image See Down Under

Proserpine on the highway about 25 km inland is the airport and train stop for the Whitsundays - the regular midweek Virgin Blue budget fare from Sydney start around $130 incl taxes, although their specials can undercut $100. Jetstar also do this route.You can also fly into Hamilton Island. Lots of budget travelers arrive on Brisbane-Cairns buses which divert off the highway into Airlie and are met by minibuses from the backpacker places, even after mid-night.

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The following is an article I did for the travel section of an Aussie newspaper about the one of my trips on the travellers' yachts. I'm real proud of it, earning me some beer money when I'm not a trained writer

'Oetella' bound for Whitehaven Beach, Whitsunday Island.

Whoa, instant chaos! One minute I had crystal clear water between my face mask and the yacht’s hull. The next I was surrounded by a thousand fish ranging from shoals of tiddlers to big sunfish and reef cod, in a darting, twisting kaleidoscope of tropical colour.They seemed to be in some sort of feeding frenzy. Then I twigged - someone was throwing food scraps from the yacht. I lifted my head, and sure enough, there was Sue, the yacht’s hostess, giving incoming snorkellers a thrill by scattering lumps of bread from the deck. The instant she stopped the fish vanished back to the reef 15m below, to await the next feed when another group of snorkellers arrived.

There's always some fish to feed.

I hauled myself on board Oetella, accepted a mug of coffee from a smiling Sue and reflected on the great coral and fish I’d seen as I drifted across the lagoon on the tidal current.

I was at Blue Pearl Bay, on the western side of Hayman Island on the morning of the last day of a cruise around the WhitSunday Islands of tropical Queensland. Oetella is one of the many travelers’ yachts doing multi-day cruises around these 74 mountainous, heavily forested islands with their deep inlets, pristine beaches and wonderful fringing coral reefs.

This is an area I’d wanted to sail since first reading of its beauty and of the bareboat charter boats for hire. One problem - I can sail a small skiff around Sydney harbour reasonably well, but lack the experience to handle a big cruising yacht in an area with tricky tidal currents, narrow passes and treacherous reefs. Sure, there are skippers for hire, but the cost of one with even the most modest charter yacht is many hundreds of dollars a day.Then I heard about the travelers’ boats. Originally organized for the backpacker market, they have diversified to provide trips to appeal to all types. The cost is modest. My trip totaled $aud390 (about $us290) for three full days and two nights., food included. Some bigger yachts with upmarket facilities go over the $600 mark and it’s possible to do a 2 day cruise, a shorter 3 day (starting and finishing around mid-day) or a full 3 day-on-standby for well under $300.

Guests can do as much or as little to help run the boat as they wish. If you want to steer or help work the sails, fine.
.
As my fellow passengers returned aboard, they enthused about the site. Most considered Blue Pearl Bay to be the best yet for coral and fish. Canadian Glenn spotted some big tropical lobsters lurking under a mushroom coral outcrop and the French couple encountered a giant 2 meter wrasse (a tropical reef cod) the locals call Uncle Jack which is so tame it will eat tidbits from the hand (nearly all the islands area is Marine National Park with fishing banned, so the fish are incredibly tame and inquisitive). When skipper Dave tendered the Brazilian bikini babes, certified divers, back from the ProDive boat moored nearby, they bubbled on about the harmless white tipped reef sharks deep on the coral precipice where the fringing reef drops into the blue-black abyss.
.
There were a dozen passengers from seven countries on board. Typical ages were mid to late 20s, the oldest a Brit retiree in his late 50s. The boat’s junior was Takeshi, 18, from Nagasaki doing a motorcycle trip around Queensland. Laconic skipper Dave and I were the only Aussies. Hostess Sue, a cheerful 27 year old Glaswegian with a mischievous sense of humour, was finishing a working holiday around Australia with a month on Oetella. For a registered nurse, she sure could cook and was a mean hand on the winches and tender. Her medical skills came in handy too.

“Och laddie, don’t tell me this wee thing is hurting,” she said on the first day as she probed my heel for a sea urchin spine (the result of some careless wading on Border Island) with an instrument the size of a small harpoon from Oetella’s impressive medical kit. No Sue, these misting eyes are from the high emotion of being in such close proximity to your heart rending beauty. Jeez, here comes the iodine!!

Hostess Sue from Scotland yuks it up with guests on 'Oetella'.

The cruise followed a simple pattern. Each day included snorkeling in at least 2 different locations, some beach time, leisurely cruising and a night tucked away in a sheltered mooring. Over three days we did two bushwalks and a brief visit to one of the island resorts.
Guests can do as much or as little to help run the boat as they wish. If you want to steer or help work the sails, fine. Sue was a wizard at preparing meals and snacks when we were off on some activity, but never refused help in cleaning up. But there was never any pressure to pitch in. If you wanted to laze and totally relax, fine.

Food was simple, tasty and more than adequate. Breakfast consisted of lots of cereal, tinned fruit, toast (and on morning one, croissants), plus spreads. For the hot breakfast types, Dave did eggs any style. Lunches were buffet style cold meats, salad, fruit and bread, with dinner a choice of pasta and Mexican night one and barbeque night two. Tea, coffee, cordial and bikkies were always available.
For some reason, slightly more than the normal amount of alcohol gets consumed on these trips. Some yachts are licensed, but Oetella has the more common Bring Your Own policy. The little bottle shop at Able Point Marina where most cruises start, sure does good business.

Oetella was built as a cruiser-racer and has four separate sleeping areas for guests, two small cabins, the saloon and a sheltered section of the cockpit. Sue allocated them so that couples were not separated, but the logistics are such that you may share your area with a third or fourth person. My birth was in the saloon on one of the convertible seats.
I had a better idea, hauling my mattress and pillow on deck to a nice expanse on the saloon roof. Because the nearest town with its diffusing light was at least 30km away, the night sky was similar to outback campsites, the stars seeming twice as big and sharp as normal. The first night was absolutely perfect. As was the second, with the small exception of a 10-minute thunderstorm with drenching rain around 4am, starting with a deafening clap of thunder.I snapped upright and managed to brain myself on the overhanging boom. To escape the deluge, I dived for the hatch, lost my footing and half fell into the saloon - which woke everyone not already roused by the thunder.
Naturally there was a lot of good natured ribbing next morning.The first mate examined the ding in my forehead with interest: “Y’ know tezza, this wee cut is wide enough to warrant a stitch or five,” she said with the glint of a stirrer who has found a natural target. Forget the stitches Ms Nightingale, a wee scar would simply add more character to my somewhat rugged skull…Hold the weddin’, not the iodine again!!

Best beach visited was the superb Whithaven on Giant Whitsunday Island.
Whitehaven - one of the best - that's the southern end in the background (image whitsundays-australia.com)

This 6km strip of dazzling white silica so fine it squeaks underfoot, backed by casuarinas and palms, makes most lists of the world’s best beaches. We moored at the northern end for three hours of swimming, sunning, soccer and a short hike to a low but panoramic lookout. This northern section has a lovely sandy inlet which becomes a series of pools and low tide, in which were stranded hundreds of small stingrays. For some reason, Sue had developed the idea I’m accident prone: “Don’t you dare go near those rays, Tezza”.

Whitehaven from the air - lots of rays at low tide in Hill Inlet pools (image WhitSundaysAustralia.com)

Whitehaven Beach - Whitsunday Island  Queensland. Best I've seen (image Google Earth)

Best overnight anchorage was Nara Inlet, a deep fjord like inlet in Hook Island. With my crewmates enjoying drinks on deck after a short bush-walk to a small waterfall, I dived overboard and swam 200m to the beach. I sat back and watched other boats gliding in for the night.
Tall ship 'Solway Lass' tucked away in Nara Inlet for the night - (image - Australian Tall Ships Cruises)

Smoke from cane burning on the mainland turned the western sky orange in the sinking sun, capped perfectly when a bagpipe player appeared on the deck of a nearby cruiser, kilt and all, and piped in sunset with Amazing Grace. This generated a rousing cheer from the various craft.

Delightful aromas began wafting from Oetella’s barbeque. To build my appetite I decided on a pre-dinner swim. Ian Thorpe, eat your heart out! - I sped effortlessly around the small headland to the next beach. Turning back, I realized why. This area has really big tides, and the outgoing tidal current made it impossible to make any headway on return. The climb across the boulder clad headland with its thick scrub and hoop pines was incredibly difficult. I hauled myself aboard Oetella in darkness more than an hour later.First mate grinned as she handed me a cold steak sanga: “So I lose the bet. I was sure you’d been kidnapped by desperate and dateless mermaids”. She spied a shin I’d barked rather nicely on my bush-bashing excursion: “Ooh laddie, that definitely needs a motza of iodine!!"

Trip route. Oetella was rather unique in Whitsunday backpacker boats in being rated for open ocean work (as against inshore charters)  so first day we left the islands and headed out to the Barrier Reef proper - Bait Reef. We anchored in the sheltered lagoon and did some drift snorkelling over about 2km on the tidal current which was running north to south. And then stayed overnight on the lagoon with just a couple of dive boats and a cruising yacht from Hawaii as company. A unique experience for me, but don't be too dismayed if your cruise does not do this - the coral and fish  are very good out there but not as good as at Blue Pearl Bay and a couple of the other fringing reefs (including Butterfly Bay, north end of Hook Isand) back at the islands.

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For 40 superb images of the Whitsunday Islands and mainland, check out this section of Whitsundays Australia.com's website.
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If you are interested in budget cruising nice places perhaps you might like:
PERAMA'S KOMODO SPOTTING CRUISE LOMBOK TO WEST FLORES

GULET CRUISING TURKEY'S TURQOUISE COAST

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If you have any questions, please ask them in THE FORUM rather than below. I don't get a chance to check all threads daily, but unless I'm travelling I'll try to monitor THE FORUM regularly.

Some Tips on Not Drowning

There are not many people in Thailand like this Aussie surf-lifesaver to haul you out if you get into trouble. Tezza, a more than capable swimmer and surfer, has been rescued by sweeties like this 273 times - image www.citysurf.asn.au

Most tourist drownings in Thailand involve people caught in RIP CURRENTS on popular beaches. Phuket and big Ko Chang have the worst records, but rip currents can occur anywhere there is a surf running. All that water heading beachwards has to get back out to sea somehow, and that is the rip current.
Waves in Thailand are more a wet season thing, during and after periods of prolonged strong winds. Waves are absent to very small 99% of dry season.
Inexperienced people finding themselves shooting out to sea in a rip current try to swim against it, get exhausted, take in water, and drown.

THIS SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN! Anyone who can merely tread water, let alone swim, should never drown in a rip.

First DON’T PANIC.
Surfers use rips all the time to take them “out the back” to the take-off zone. They don’t even have to swim or paddle their boards. I suggest poor swimmers do exactly the same - go with the flow.
ALL rips dissipate in the deeper water just behind the wave breaking zone. They have done their job, and do not go further. The longest rip I have ever seen went 400 meters from the shore in a HUGE SURF, much bigger than anything Thailand gets. Most rips last for 100-150m. Once you are out in the calmer water past the break zone, tread water, put up your hand and wait for someone with a longtail to pick you up.

All that water coming in on waves has got to get out again. Waves break in the shallower water over sand bars. Rips form in the deeper channels between sandbars. Great image from St Johns County, Florida. A full sized version can be seen here.

Thorntree poster ALLY sent me this pic of a rip at Palm Beach in Sydney. Note how small the surf is. This would be a pretty gentle rip but could still give poor and average swimmers a tough time. Note too how easy it would be to wander off the sand-bar into the deeper channel, not too pleasant for a non swimmer. Note how the rip dissipates "out the back" (image Rob Brander)

Treading water is a minimal effort activity, something the average person could do for maybe 24 hours in Thailand before dehydration becomes a problem (the water is warm so hypothermia is not a short or medium term problem)*.
Hell, even TT Thailand’s svelte-challenged, lethargy-enhanced mr. nasty and big-time plagiarist of this blog, Singapore Slim (all names changed to protect the guilty) would probably last 'til dinner time, when the aroma of chips and gravy would force a do-or-die dash for the shore.

*I've since been told that hypothermia will eventually set in in any water below body temperature - which all ocean water is. But it will take many hours in tropical water.

DON’T TRY TO SWIM AGAINST THE RIP. A world champion will go backwards against a strong rip. All but very fit swimmers will become exhausted swimming against even gentle rips.

DON’T WORRY ABOUT SHARKS - tens of thousands of surfers and ocean swimmers in Australia and other much sharkier places than Thailand individually spend hundreds of hours yearly swimming and surfing without worries. Hell, I’ve never heard of a shark attack in Thailand, except in that heap of nonsense book by Alex Garland. So you can float around out the back for hours and not give the nibblers a thought.

DON’T WORRY ABOUT UNDERTOWS - there is no such thing as a rip which will drag you under, let alone keep you under.

DON’T WORRY ABOUT WAVES BREAKING ON YOUR HEAD - rip currents move out thru the deeper channels between sandbars - waves break in shallow water (largely on the sandbars) so these deeper channels often have no waves or few waves. If one does come when you are in the rip, take a breath, dive down or duck your head. You are gonna pop up on the other side - that breath guarantees it.

THE OLD SWIM SIDEWAYS TRICK.
Surf-lifesavers in Australia say if you are caught in a rip, SWIM SIDEWAYS TO THE RIP (parallel to the beach). Even big rips are never more than about 30m across, so you will soon move out of the current and hopefully into the shallow water of the sandbar where you can stand**.
I think this is good advice for people who are good swimmers, not exhausted and who start swimming sideways immediately. Wait too long and you are likely to end up on the sandbar but in deeper water, unable to stand up, more exhausted by the swim and with big waves breaking on your head, which can be pretty frightening for the inexperienced. I reckon it is much cooler to allow the rip to take you seaward, then float around out the back waiting for someone to pick you up. It’s nice out there.

HOW TO SPOT A RIP CURRENT.
*Look for the sections where no waves or fewer waves are breaking (note what a trap this is for the inexperienced: “this looks safe, NO WAVES, I’ll swim here”
*Big rips often scour sand as they go and look sandy.
*When the wind is blowing in the opposite direction, the surface of the rip is often disturbed and choppy looking.
Note however, many rips are very difficult to spot from beach or water level.

Ally also sent this beach-level pic of a small rip, with the label: "DON'T SWIM BETWEEN THE RED POINTERS!" Once again a pretty small surf. Note how waves are not breaking in the channel (don't know origin of image).

UPDATE - April 2010. I was pleased to see about a dozen of these signs posted on big Ko Chang's White Sand Beach on my recent revisit. That image on left looks familiar - looks like Ally sent it to them too.

A bigger rip at Monterey in California. Once again, don't swim where the waves aint breaking. Be aware however that at low tide or in big surf, waves CAN break in the channel, making rips difficult to spot (image NOAA)

SOME OTHER FACTS ABOUT RIP CURRENTS

*The bigger the surf, the stronger the rip - there is more water to move back out to sea.
*Rips are strongest at low tide when all that water has to move through a shallower channel; and there is a greater quantity of water to move out because the waves breaking on the shallower sandbars tend to be bigger and more frequent.
*At the ends of beaches there is usually a rip running along at least one of the headlands, maybe both if the swell is coming in exactly front-on to the beach (most swell has a slightly oblique angle of approach).
*A longish beach like Patong or Karon typically has more than a half dozen sandbars separated by channels containing rip currents if surf is running.
*Rips are fed by FEEDER CURRENTS, which run parallel to the beach just off the sand, in the (usually small) channel between the sandbar and the beach. These feeders get stronger as they approach the big channel between the sandbars, where they turn right angles and head out to sea as a full blown rip. Sometimes FEEDER CURRENTS are strong enough towards their ends to drag non/poor swimmers sideways into the rip proper.

Don’t confuse FEEDER CURRENTS with CROSS DRAG and TIDAL CURRENTS which operate further from the beach.

The old swim sideways trick. Note the feeder currents, which can extend out of image in front of the sandbar (image HowStuffWorks)


CROSS DRAG or SIDE DRAG:
Most waves approach the beach at a slightly oblique angle - ie the wave front is not exactly parallel with the beach. This sets up a sideways current (parallel to the beach) known as the LONGSHORE CURRENT, LONGSHORE DRIFT or colloquially, SIDE DRAG, which tends to be located out near the break zone.

Usually this current is not strong, and gives no problems, but if the swell approaches at a bigger angle to the beach and is big in size, it can be powerful enough to drag swimmers sideways off the sand-bar, and into the rip current in the adjacent channel. It can also be powerful enough to drag the swimmer thru the rip-current and continue on its merry way down the beach.
No problems, just make sure you are not still in the rip-current channel (wait 'til the waves are biggest) and then swim towards shore. The waves will help wash you in.
If you are a poor swimmer and don’t like the idea of getting pounded by breaking waves, just cruise on down the beach and wait for someone to haul you out with a boat. Or swim out to sea a bit, you will move out of the side drag and stay in the one spot.
If you are a NON SWIMMER and get swept sideways off the sandbar, you are gunna drown. But you should have been nowhere near the break zone, which is usually a fair way from shore. Non swimmers should never go in more than thigh deep in any surf, and even then should be aware of the FEEDER CURRENTS mentioned before.

UPDATE NOV 2011 - the Sydney Morning Herald presented some recent research findings by Dr Rob Brander of the University of NSW on rips. Part of his experiments involved depositing purple die or oranges into rips to see what happened.
SMH shot of Brander's purple die experiment at Tamarama Beach which is next south of Bondi in Sydney. Interestingly he found that in many cases the die or oranges actually did a circular route and ended up back on the beach. This can be seen above; but only part of the die is getting back on the right hand side - makes sense to me, the die is being washed in where part of the rip's outer diffusion takes it into the wave zone. But this requires the rip to start diffusing before it gets past the wave zone, whereas prior wisdom says all rips go slightly further out to sea.
Brander concludes that whether the rip is circular or goes slightly past the wave zone, all but strong swimmers should go with the flow. It is only the latter who should follow Aussie life-savers' advice and swim sideways.
Dude has written a book - Dr Rip's Essential Beach Book by Rob Brander UNSW Press.

The SMH also printed this diagram of different types of rips, presumably from Brander's book. The right hand one is a bit scary - only very capable swimmers should go into the water in such conditions. Image can be clicked to expand - may take a while if your connection is as slow as mine.


ARE ALL BEACHES DANGEROUS IN WET SEASON?
NO.
Because strong winds in Thailand’s wet season come from the western quadrant, it is usually the WESTWARD FACING BEACHES where the swell can get up, creating sizable surf and dangerous currents.
So unless you are an expert at swimming in big surf, you should avoid such conditions. If you want to cool down, don’t go out more than thigh deep (I’ve found it difficult to walk against a strong rip or side drag in even waist deep water. Sometimes it can be difficult to even stay on your feet).
Good news is that often winds are benign in wet season and the swell stays very small. It's pretty safe to swim on these westward facing beaches in these conditions, although in any surf there will be some type of outward current. There can also be the less troublesome TIDAL CURRENTS I describe later, particularly along any fringing reef and headland. So still be aware.

Another option is to seek an island with EASTERN FACING BEACHES. These beaches are sheltered from the western winds and swell of wet season. Unfortunately, more beaches in the popular Andaman face WEST than east - eg all the good beaches on Phuket, Lanta, Jum. There are nice eastern facing beaches on Phi Phi, Ko Ngai, Ko Kradan, Ko Bulon Lae, Ko Taratao, Ko Lipe.
Away from the Andaman, there are nice eastern facing beaches on Phangan**, Samui**, Tao**, and Samet. The northern beaches at Mak and Ko Whai near big Chang are also pretty sheltered in wet season.
Sadly all of big Chang’s good beaches face west into the wind and swell.

Eastern facing beach areas can be subject to TIDAL CURRENTS, described below.

** ThornTree poster dearsirsam also points out that when the north-east monsoon winds get up on island like Samui, Phangan and Tao, so too does the swell, and you can get rip-currents at exposed beaches. Fortunately in my experience this does not happen too often, mainly in the months Oct thru Dec, but be aware. People have drowned at Chaweng, Thong Nai Pan and Hat Rin. And not just at blitzed party times for the last place.

TIDAL CURRENTS
When the tide rises and falls, water moving into and out of narrow inlets and passages between islands, and over shallow reefs, result in TIDAL CURRENTS. These tend to be strongest mid-tide and usually run parallel to shore.
In places with HUGE tides, they can be awesome, running at 30km+, with associated vortexes (whirlpools) and standing waves of 2m where strong winds blow against them.

When the wind blows against tidal currents the surface gets chopped up. Stong winds and fast currents can create large standing waves in very deep water. Added chaos can result when 2 tidal currents moving around opposite sides of an island meet, as in this shot (image Affinity Cruises)

In Thailand, the tidal range is not huge and so these currents are not all that strong - as a matter of fact they are good for a no-effort (no need to swim or kick) drift along the edge of a fringing reef checking the coral and fish. When you get tired of that, you swim into the beach, walk back up to the starting point, and repeat as needed.
However, I have seen a few Thai tidal currents which would be difficult for a poorer swimmer to swim against. A Brit guy once told me he found himself being carried along the headland at the south of Hat Rin and had a hell of a time getting back to the beach. At one stage he thought he would not make it.
I reckon poor swimmers should not try. Swim in to the rocks and rock-hop back. If this looks too difficult (sometimes hauling yourself out of the water in rocky areas is near impossible) swim OUT into deeper water. The tidal currents do not run here (unless you are in a gap between islands, at the mouth of a bay or similar). Then swim back to the beach in stages, with periodic tread-water rests when needed. Or wait for someone with a boat.

A small tidal rip as the tide moves out between very shallow sand bars. Note how it dissipates once in deeper water (image OCEAN.COM- Dennis Decker)

UPDATE AUGUST 2010

Just read a newpaper article that said latest research indicates closed chest compression is as effective as CPR (which incorporates "kiss of life" resussitation with closed chest compression) in reviving people dragged from the surf.

Now the former is so much simpler - just compress the rib-cage with a two handed palms push (actually cross your hands at the fingers and push down with the heels of your palms on the sternum part of the rib cage - push yourself there to feel the movement) at about the same rate as breathing. With infants use a two-fingered compression.
Good idea to make sure the breathing passages are unblocked first - lay patient on side and turn head down (which allows swallowed water to drain - if you bend legs at knees it will stop them rolling back or further) and manually clear mouth - check for swallowed tongue although this apparently is not as common as most think.
Once this is done roll patient on to back and start chest compressions. Of course if you know CPR or have someone else who can co-ordinate kiss of life with your chest compressions you aint gonna do any harm.

Okay, I'm doing all this from memory. Ages since I practised. Some of you dudes may see mistakes or know better methods. Thing is the article said in 70% of cases people DO NOTHING. Hell, if it was me I'd want people to TRY SOMETHING.

BREAKING NEWS - just had drawn to my attention this good site with lotsa pix, info and a video on rips.

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After all this depressing stuff about drowning it’s time for some LIGHT RELIEF, folks:

- **A few years back I saw a girl with the smallest bikini in the world enter the water in what I considered a risky spot at one of my local beaches. Sure enough, she got caught in a rip. She stuck her hand high in the air which is the signal for help in Australian surf.
I just had to haul this lady out personally. Trouble is a skin-diver resting on the adjacent headland rocks figured the same thing. BIG RACE - he had the fins for speed, I had the rip for velocity. I was winning, and only 15 meters from the girl, when suddenly she stood up and walked away! Wise girl had done the sideways-swim trick onto a shallow sand-bar.
- Another time I was board-riding Queensland’s Alexander Bay in a big nasty surf. Alexander Bay is popular with surfers and NUDISTS. A girl got caught in a rip and as I paddled across my heart leapt - she was totally gorgeous and would soon be spread-eagled on my board!
She also turned out to be the only girl on the beach wearing swimmers.

Stone the crows trendsetters, sometimes I think Hui, the God of Surf, has a personal grudge against me. And not only in the surf.

Like the time I was doing 130 on the Coolangatta by-pass and the board-racks, containing my full quiver of 5 boards, flew off the roof and was run-over by a tour bus.
Or when I gave a lift from Byron Bay to Sydney to a posse of surfer-groupies who had run out of money to get home. Going thru Ballina, they stuck their cute bare arses out the windows at a couple of cops doing roadside radar duty. The cops radioed their mates down the road, who pulled me over, gave the girls a lecture and me 5 defect notices for the tezza-waggon. Jeez, justice works in strange ways. Gratuitous shot of surfer-groupie's best asset (image ASL)

Oh yeah, another incident which now makes me smile but wasn’t all that funny in the execution, was the rescue of Johnathon Livingston Seagull from a certain watery death. You can read abt that at the end of my Ko Libong info thingy on this site.


If you have any questions, please ask them in THE FORUM rather than below. I don't get a chance to check all threads daily, but unless I'm travelling I'll try to monitor THE FORUM regularly.