Friday, December 15, 2006

The Worry Collective

Kwak begins to suspect Sarah Palin is staying at his resort (image - BEDARD)


THE Worry Collective -1
Q: I’m worried about personal safety in the far South. I’m attending a hot-tub seminar in Sungai Kolok next month, but I hear those separatist ratbags have been blowing things up down there. ObL - Waziristan Mountains

TWC: No problems Sammy. If you go to Lek’s pancake stand on Soi 2 off KSR he can provide you with a certified bomb-sniffer dog for only 3000 baht. For an extra 500 he’ll throw in a Seeing Eye Trained certificate which means you will be able to unload Fido end of trip for no-loss at the exit of Ban Saladan Medical School’s corneal-transplant unit.
Sammy stepping out to the hot-tub seminar - image www.bestweekever/tv/

Q: Everyone knows Thai girls look 10 years younger than their age. Do you think it’s wrong for me to pretend my 23 year old professional travelling companion is 13? Jeremy I - LA

TWC: I prefer to pass these dodgy questions on to TWC’s ethics consultant, Woodrow Allen. However all the calls to his mobile were picked up by his girlfriend Lolita, who whispered she‘d pass the message on when she got a chance. The fact she was doing detention at the time at her junior high for cutting classes reminds me - Woody’s advice on this issue may not be too reliable.


The Worry Collective - 2
Q: You have said your favourite travel advice is Yogi Berra’s: “When you come to the fork in the road, take it”.
I don‘t get it! Which branch? - Steve Hawkin

TWC: The right one.

Q: I’m worried about the direction of the US dollar. It’s already tanked 15% against the baht this year. I’m uncertain of its future direction. Do you think there is more downside? bernanke@fedres.com

TWC: Listen Ben, I tried to reach TWC’s finance analyst Fastcash Keynes, but his bail bondsman said he’s currently in discussions with Securities Commission spooks about some unauthorised shorting of CSOs. Whatever the hell that is.
Now I’m not real strong in this area on account I spent all of my time in Economics 101 day-dreaming about the hot biker-girl in the front row. But let’s look at the basics - you got boffo Junior running humongous budget surpluses, a whole lot of Wall Street fast-boys packaging junk mortgages and selling them to airhead bankers who should know better, Mr and Mrs America importing oil, Euro cars and Chinese electrical goods faster than they can pay for them, and panicked capital-flight from panicky low interest rates.

Jeez, on those fundamentals I’d say your guess is as good as mine.


The Worry Collective - 3
Q: I’m on the eve of my departure for Bangkok and I just found out the airports are closed, I haven’t got any decent underwear and my dog is pregnant. Is that a bastard or what? - BRITNEY
Seldom-sighted Britney underwear - not her best asset, but (occasionally) next to her best asset - (image - www.lingeriewomens.blogspot.com)


TWC: Jeez Britzer, you think you have problems? This morning at the beach I snaked the local wave nazi and got two teeth broken and my board smashed. The highway patrol pulled me over after I chucked a huge wheelie leaving the car park and handed me a $400 citation and 14 defects fer the TWC surfing wagon. I was so pissed I got her up to 130 on the freeway and the board-racks blew off - my other 3 boards went under a passing Peterbuilt. And when I arrived outside my gorgeous girlfriend’s place this handsome dude was giving her a smooch on the cheek before he slid into his M5 Beemer and blasted off.
“Crikey,” I said. “I didn’t know you had a rich cousin”.
“Bruce,” replied Sheila. “There’s something I’ve got to tell you.”

Q: I hear Thai cosmetic surgery is pretty high end. But my friends keep telling me stories of people who have gone in for a chin-lift and wake up missing a kidney. What’s your take? - Pamela@videoof the millenium.org

TWC: I reckon the days of medical scams are well gone. But communications blips sometimes arise. Like Robby from my rugby team went to Phuket to get the derringer howitzerised and came back as Robina.OOPS! And waaay hot too! I gotta tell you no-one misses the post-match shower session these days.


The Worry Collective - 4
Q: I’m doing a trip to the Krabi Wetland Enviro Bungalows with my friend Bono, who is great value except for one thing. He refuses to recycle his Singha cans - prefers to throw them at passing dreadlocked hippies when he isn’t using them for ashtrays. Should I tell him how uncomfortable I am with this? - Al G Jr

Alcoa Al knows where the money is - recycling drives! (image - The Shiffer Report)

TWC: It can be an inconvenient truth for perfectionists Al, but sometimes the bonds of friendship mean you just have to let some shortcomings go. Travelling with others is always a bit of give and take. I mean he might be pissed about all those lights you burn in the bungalow and how you don‘t do your fair share of pedalling on the bicycle generator. But one thing you should firmly point out - no firing up a joint around the composting toilets. The last guy did that set off a methane explosion blew half the bungalows to Ranong and burned out all 1000 hectares of the last remaining habitat of the endangered South-Andaman Blue-tongued Toad. Ooops!

Whoa! Don't fire up a smoke near Daisy either. Firmly braced forelegs preclude a ballistic bovine (imgage - The Schiffer Report)

Q: Need quick answer! How long can those infidel missile-armed pilotless drones stay on station? I’ve been drinking beer with my buddies in Cave 1 and the girly movies start across at Cave 2 in 20 minutes. ObL - Khao Sam Roi Yod caves South Thailand

TWC: No worries Sammy. Just don one of those Condi Rice masks you guys use for target practice. The dudes manning the drone’s monitor will think they’ve stumbled on an outdoor location for the Thai Ugly Betty and beat it for Ko Lipe where they can spec-out all those Scando bikini-babes.

Q: Scando bikini babes!!! Does Lipe have caves? - ObL

TWC: Relax Sammy, TWC's babe-consultant Levi Johnston says Scando babes aren't your style.

TWC's babe-consultant Levi Johnston (left) with his girlfriend Bristol and her family at home in Wasilla (image - www.chinadaily.com.cn)


The Worry Collective - 5
Q:
My hubby Todd is planning us a consolation holiday to Thailand in mid November. Just in case. Can you settle an argument for us? He reckons a Tikka T3 would easily stop a West Andaman Gibbon but I say put your trust in a good old American Winchester 70. What‘s your take? Sarah P- Wasilla Ak

TWC: Stone the crows, Sarah. TWC is usually apolitical, but I gotta say we are pro-life on this one.....

Q: I’m worried I won’t find my type of girl in Thailand. I don’t want you to laugh, but what floats my boat are cigar users. SlickWilly - White Water AR

TWC: Jeez Bill, you are gonna love LOS. Thailand’s cigar totin’ babes make Stateside practitioners look like interns. When TWC’s entertainment and leisure consultant Patpong Soonay and the chorus line start firing off smoke-rings at Bangkok’s Ballistic Banana Club in their TRIBUTE TO CHURCHILL number, every fire alarm in Sukhumvit short-circuits.


The Worry Collective - 6
Q: Need urgent answer!!! Does an incoming Tomahawk cruise missile make a phut…phut…phut…noise? ObL - Khao Sam Roi Yod caves South Thailand

TWC: Not normally, Sammy. But with Dick Cheney finagling Defence maintenance contracts for his buddies at Halliburton, nothing would surprise me.

Hey Sammy, your Paradise Airways flight is on its way (image - www.mrafiee.5u.com)

Q: Why do the Thais think they are so superior? I’m sick of hearing about disdainful looks and disparaging remarks in Thai directed at farangs. This from a nation of copiers and adaptors, whose lack of self-discipline means they can’t get a handle on democracy, where international sporting competitiveness is zero and where the second wife syndrome and child domestic prostitution are national disgraces. They even think one of their nationals is a God. And they bully their neighbours! Can you name one world impacting innovation or one area of world leadership (apart from corruptocracy and cronyism) from Thailand? - V Putin

TWC: The green curry.


The Worry Collective - 7
Q: The travel supplements in my local newspapers have turned into Shitload of Press Release weeklies. So much for critical and unbiased reports. Why don’t the lazy bastards sell out even more - raid the local travel agents and reproduce their brochures? - P Theroux

TWC: Ours already do.

Q: You said some weeks back that the American dollar was down against the baht because of Stateside economic and financial crisises….criseas….crisee…..problems. Well hell, since then they have got worse! What’s your financial consultant FastCash Keynes say about the future ? Junior - DC
"...well hell, since then things have got worse!" - Junior.
For once the The Economist is in agreement with Junior's judgement (image - netzkobold.com)

TWC: Can’t help much Chief - FastCash is a real hard man to pin down these days. Seems he’s tied up in talks with the Federal Reserve Board and the Secretary of the Treasury in an attempt to get them to bail out his loan-sharking operation.


The Worry Collective - 8
Q: I’m a petite, slight-figured female. Last year I was playing handball topless on the beach outside the Phuket Amari and these sleazebags attending a Michael Jackson convention kept sending out ice-cream sundaes. I know Thailand is a magnet for pederasts, but I’m totally pissed! Why can’t I find a beautiful island with lovely beaches, crystal clear water and a shortage of creeps chasing young boys? Kate H - LA

TWC: Maybe Lesbos in the Greek Islands is worth a try. Although the banana pancakes could be a bit ordinary.

Staying with the top should keep the pedarasts away. But maybe not other chickenhawks - note the cunningly disguised paedo sneaking up on Kate. Image www.jaunted.com


Q: Why do you always give smartarse answers to questions? Typical male! Always ready to dole out the solutions, can’t listen to save your life, want to make fun of other people‘s misfortunes. Don’t you realise a lot of worriers, female at least, don’t want solutions, they are not looking for answers, and they certainly don’t want to be “entertained”? All they want is a ready ear and some empathy! Germaine G

TWC: I hear your grief and can relate deeply to your concern.Although I reckon you’d feel a lot better if you got yourself a good man.


The Worry Collective - 9
Q: It‘s me again. I finally made it to Thailand but now my lovely doggie Lucky is missing!!! I let her go play with the kids from the neighbourhood Korean restaurant and they said she ran away! I’m so distraught! What should I do? Britney - Chiang Mai


TWC: Stick to the vegetarian menu at the Korean restaurant for a while.

Q:There you go again!! More smartarse, insensitive crap! That poor girl’s feeling bad enough - all your unfunny “advice” could achieve is to make her feel worse! Germaine G
TWC: You are absolutely right.
Britzer, if you are still reading - give the restaurant a complete miss. They might have one of those customer-view rotisseries.

Pick the dog (image - http://www.dogsthefuntimesguide.com/)


The Worry Collective - 10
Not funny, Kathy
Q: They say you never get to know someone properly until you travel or live with them. I found this with my ex - she was constantly moaning about how bored she was and why couldn’t I be more funny. What is it with women wanting their guys to be Billy Connolly clones? I mean the average female couldn’t be funny to save her life. Can you name me one woman who can tell a joke? Guy R- London
.
TWC: Nope. But the gals admit it. As Kathy Lette points out, women’s inability to tell jokes is proved by the fact that they marry them.
.
Dicky’s Big Chance
Q: I notice most tourists traipsing around LOS are middle class types - you don’t see too many strugglers taking in the sites. So I got a great idea - let’s organise a bunch of holiday loans for ninja types (no-income, no-jobs/assets). We skim a nice little earner off the top and then pass the parcel by bundling the loans together into bonds with some fancy new name like pre-optimal notes and sell them off to mutual funds, investment banks, pension funds, retail banks and the rest. Dicky Fuld - Skid Row
.
TWC: Wouldn’t work Ricardo. Who would be stupid enough to fall for that?I mean the dudes working for those institutions are self-declared masters of the universe/big swinging dicks/best brains in the room.



The Worry Collective - 11
Don’t Look Now
Q: I’m going to Bangkok on Monday, but I got a real worry. My dear friends tell me the Thai paparazzi parasites are even worse than home. So what’s the best way to get out of a car in a mini-skirt? - PARIS


TWC: Quickly.

Whoa - CLOSE SHAVE!
In the cause of good taste, TWC has TRIMMED the above image to avoid scaring passing kiddies.
Please excuse the bad puns - we are suffering a case of what Sasha Baron Cohen would call the PUNAMIES. (image ripped off from some WordPress.com blog which didn't say who they ripped it off from. And the kiddies don't get a link).

Beam Me Up Scotty

Q: I was having a snack at the Macrobiotic Juices and Wellbeing Snack Bar on Haad Thian when I noticed Angelina Jolie in full Tomb Raider outfit jump down from a Klingon battle cruiser hovering above the southern headland. I hadn’t had a drink all day! I’m worried I’m going nuts. What do you think? - Lindsay L - Phangan
TWC: I think Cookie has been supercharging the vegetarian omelette again.

.

The Worry Collective 12
Sarah Shoots Siam
Q: It’s me again! Looks like I’m taking that consolation holiday I mentioned in #5. What are my chances of bagging a moose at Khao Sok? Bushwhacked - Wasilla
.
TWC: About the same as bagging Foreign Secretary with Bakka.

Image - Wilcox: Sydney Morning Herald


The Worry Collective 13

You can’t get there starting from here
Q: I’m told travel in the far north is difficult. Can I get from Mai Sariang to Chiang Khan? Billy Barents
TWC: Crikey William, I hate these hard ones. So I’m gonna pass. But with a name like yours, there’s got to be a joke in there about the north-west passage.

The Quick and the Dead
Q: I’m an 83 year old dude, and a big fan of group action. But I’ve had real bad luck lately with my girlfriends, not to mention my business fortunes are in the dumpster. Dang internet! So I’ve decided to head for Thailand where the girls don’t give a damn about age and cost a man way less. But I don’t know much about Asian ladies, so tell me what‘s required. And no smart answers about Viagra - I've got a philosophical aversion to chemical enhancement. Just tell me what I need. Hef

TWC: Daniel Craig and a set of booster-cables

Q: Ha ha ha. Very funny young fella. Listen up, I've got no problems in that department. I reckon I could go a whole posse of pole dancers in 20 minutes.

TWC: In that case, Nurse Betty and a defibrillator.
.
So who's gonna give Hef CPR after Betty leaves?
Maybe the cutie top picture on the DONT DROWN page.

It don’t …umm… ‘arf ‘urt ……ah …..????….but...
Q: I’m arguing with my bloke Pete about our trip to LOS. He wants to spend half the trip watching replays of football matches and rejects any location that hasn’t got a bar showing these. That throws most of the laid back places I’ve included on our itinerary out the window. I think this obsession with football is downright unhealthy. Abigail C - Liverpool
.
TWC: You are not wrong Abby. Recent scientific studies show watching football in boozy, smoke-filled bars zaps as many brain cells as heading the ball in the game itself. Which is downright scary if you have ever heard David Beckham try to string more than two words together.

Miss-timing too many headers can mess up more than a bunch of synapses (image www.thesurat.com)


The Worry Collective #14

With Unwanted Decisions, as in all things, Serenity Rules
QWhat’s with these pecker-head immigration dudes at Swampy? I’m standing there while he does my passport and the cat tells me to get back behind the line.
Say What? I aint been over the line the whole time - all this Nazi wants to do is show his authority, prove what a big man he is. So I tell him he foot-faults me one more time I’m gonna shove his fuggin’ balls so far down his fricken’ throat he’ll need a friggin' proctologist for his ferken vasectomy.
Sissy signals for his suprevisor, and this pea brain tells me to forget about Thailand, I just blew the whole vay-cation. And he hopes I learn a lesson from all this.
A LESSON? What the hell am I supposed to learn from this bag of crap?
SERENA

TWC: - That a 1000 baht note neutralises all offence from feet-cheating trashy-mouths.

Fan sites are crying sexism - officious creeps only try their crap on with itty-bitty girls.


Q: I just read that Patpong Soonay got BEST PINGPONG SERVER at the Pattaya Eros Awards night. Hell, I reckon my friend Beyonce could trounce any little Thai girl with one hand behind her back.
KAYNE W

TWC: - better make that 2 hands-behind-back-and-fimly-on-floor for launch pad stability.

These guys are much cuter than any beaver/ping pong shots I could find - image telegraph.co.uk

The Worry Collective #15
 IT AINT HALF HOT MUM
I’m worried about climate change. I just visited Ko Bulon Lae and all that was left of my favourite seaside bungalow was wet sand and a bunch of concrete piers. The owner told me they also lost half their restaurant to a king-tide/storm combo in October, since rebuilt. Keep this up and Ko Chiang Mai will be the new Samui mid century.
What are Thailand’s mouthpieces doing at the Copenhagen Climo-porn Fest?
NOAH - Kiribati
.
TWC: - LOS delegates took really radical action for Asian talk-fest participants. They signed the introductory statement that SOMETHING MUST BE DONE!!

TWC’s environmental consultant, Mikey (red-line) Schumacher, says Thailand’s most effective pledge would be to tighten long term visa rules in order to limit the huge volume of hot air pumped out by the Sukhumvit short-sox and sandals set moaning about the high price of housing/beer/little blue tablets/short-time^^^, conditions back home, conditions here, what bitches Caucasian women/princesses Thai women are, how unlucky we booze hounds are - couldn’t make a go of it back home and now it’s happening here, why the younger generation of Farang travellers have no idea - yada yada blowhard blowhard.

But Michael says don’t hold your breath - Thais are not known for radical initiatives. Instead he believes LOS delegates will opt for signing the closing statement - YES INDEEED, SOMETHING MUST BE DONE - AND WE’LL ALL MEET AGAIN IN 4 YEARS AND HAVE ANOTHER TALKFEST ABOUT IT.

^^^ None of these barflies can make long time.

Image - Moir/SMH - click to expand (may depend on your browser)


The Worry Collective #15
BACK IN THE GAME.
Q: Tiger here. I’m staying in Banga++ Thailand with my aunt Suchitra,. Got some elcheapo local facial reconstruction after that crazed Viking babe went clubbing with me. I’m beginning to feel okay and figure I might start playing again. Just locally. What’s the competition like?
++not a school-boy joke - Google my aunt Suchitra.

TWC: Patpong Soonay here. I TWC’s babe-magnet consultant. You have no worry from farang dudes - new generation traveller eat way too much Macca’s. They and all those booze-hound expats so svelte-challenged they scare female talent away.
But plenty of good looking fit young Thai guy - after Elin and sissy sponsors finish, even poorest Pattaya beach boy have more baht than you to impress sweeties.

Updating the classics - by Wiley

Q: It’s me again! Am I one good-looking woman hasn’t been boffed by Tige?
B Spears LA.

TWC: No and probably No.

Either Britzer is letting herself go again or Stephenie Meyer has a lot to answer for.
Umm - maybe the above line is a Yes and Yes. (image Celebrity Fury)


The Worry Collective #16
DIMITRIOS, WE SHRUNK THE EURO!!
Q: I’m taking my Bundestag buddies on a trip to the Full Moon Party next month. But the Euro keeps dropping against the baht. Last I looked it was just over 40 and tanking! Where’s this going to end? A MERKEL - Mecklenburg-Vorpommern

TWC: Probably around parity.

Q: That is not funny. German hard workers are suffering because Mediterrano goof-offs had a 20 year party with borrowed money.

TWC: TWC’s finance consultant FastCash Keynes says look at the bright side. The low Euro means the German economy will get a lift from millions of working-class Thais holidaying on the Rhine. And if BMW can bring out an M3 pickup there will be one in every Bangkok driveway.

Greek repo guys discourage reckless spending - image GetLiberty.org

Lek finds throttle tip-in on his new M3 pick-up a tad more abrubt than the old Isuzu - image thrashcar


The Worry Collective #17
LOOKING FOR ZE CHEEP PLATFORM
Q: I need a queek ‘oliday in some place where ‘igh rollerz get peece and quiet. Bangkok could be ze one.
I also need to find some cheep platform bootz - ever since rumor-mongering sons-of-horz zey calll ze press write scandulus rumour about supplementary funding I can afford high-rise Berluti Reprises no more.
NICHOLAS S - ELYSEE PALACE

TWC: No worries Sarko. TWC’s fashion consultant GORDON BROWN says Lek’s pancake stall outside the 7-Eleven on KSR can supply a set of quarter price knock-off Reprise jack-ups within 24h of placing an order. He also tells us Lek will cash any BETTENCOURT endorsed cheques you just happen to have lying around at 25 baht to the Euro. Discretion assured.

Ford builds a lift-limo for Sarky. Symbolic "leg throw" over Japanese girly-truck is symptomatic of French chauvinism - image vancouverlimosuv.com


LOOKING FOR A RELIABLE MATE
Q: I’m over f------ western women. F----- up collagen-packed silicon-blown hookers on gold-digging home-wrecking expeditions. And I hate the way those c---- who call themselves the press take sides and hound a man when he’s down.
My friends tell me Thailand has a compliant media and a whole bunch of lovely women who’s very last thought is man-gouging. And don’t give me any of your f------ typical smart-ass crap about plenty of Russian girls hanging around Pattaya would do the job.
MEL G - HOLLYWOOD

Gibbo does the big prenup: "Just one point - you're not Jewish are you?"

TWC: Crikey Melvin, are you in luck! It just happens TWC’s stunning entertainment correspondent PATPONG SOONAY is free, having split from long time partner HandsumMan after he went bust in some Bernie Madoff ponzi scam. You can be guaranteed a quiet time at home with Soonay as long as you don’t install a ping pong table or dart board.


The Worry Collective #18
WIKIBLATTS
Q: - I’m worried Thailand won’t get around to making a World Cup bid.
After WikiLeaks exposed all that LOS government and opposition corruption I reckon the Thais will be running shy of offering me and the bid panel any of the usual incentives. America should swat that criminal Assange with the Anti-Trust Act - restricton of free trade. It’s criminal how a handful of internerds can hinder respected sports administrators from going about our usual business. SEPP - Royal Qatar Embassy Holiday Annex - St Kitts.

TWC: - Crikey, I thought the Anti-Trust Act was about divorce law. So I passed this one on to TWC’s Financial Correspondent, FastCash Keynes. Fast has world class experience in greasing the wheels of commerce.
FC: Relax Blatto, rumour is the US Department of Justice will fit up Assange with charges of over-aiding and abetting free-speech any time now.
But you don’t understand how Thai big-events inducement works. Sure, once the Cup is up and running you bagman and your organisation will make the usual motza clipping the ticket of everything going. But to get the event held in Thailand the gravy train runs in the opposite direction - the gifts, brown paper bags of cash, hookers and holidays go to the politicians to get their okay.
Please remember where this good advice came from when the event comes. Some prior tip-offs of dodgy refereeing decisions would do nicely.

FIFA bagman braying for baksheesh (image Chistian Storay http://www.elfwood.com/)

Braying? Cat's can bray in association with amateurishly awful alliteration.


The Worry Collective #19
Silvio and Sarah have concerns.
Q:I am thinking of spreading my interests to Thailand. I know there are plenty of 17 year old dancers to help, but I’m worried that mafioso Thaksin has already bought up all the influential media companies. Silvio 

TWC: Gets worse Berlo - Toxin and his opponents have also cornered the market in crooked judges.

Okay, you know the tune. On the count of 3 .... Is she really going out with him?? - image Ruby Rubacuri

Q:It’s me again. Sarah! I’ve got Thailand in the cross hairs as a safe place for my family to live. With the frightful level of hate and blood libel being generated towards politicians at home I feel the place is no longer secure so I'm outa here. Just so long as I have the right to carry in LOS. Sarah - Wasilla Ak

TWC: Not too sure if you have a legal right, dead-eye, but definitely a moral one - there’s a small but dangerous group of people in Thailand. Sounds like it's about to grow. You have not only the right but an obligation to protect yourself and loved ones from the likes of you.

Sarah rallies neighbours to eject gate-crashers from the 'hood tea party - image Sydney Morning Herald-Le Lievre/Miller


The Worry Collective #20
Fixing Up Harry
Q - My husband and I are so pleased to have Wills squared away.
Although the open bar back at Bucks was perhaps not such a good idea with all those disgraceful family lushes hanging about. And I’m not talking about Catherine’s relatives.
It could have been worse, but someone forgot to send Ginger an invite. Oh dear.

The one I’m really worried about is Harry. Little blighter has The Firm paying child support to sundry bints the world over. The sooner the randy bugger is off the market the better.

But I’m over Sloan Ranger gals. Seems they are so repressed when young they break out in middle age and cause all sorts of embarrassment. What we need for Harry is a young lady who’s lived hard and fast in her youth and has worked all that nonsense out of her system. I’m thinking one of those backpacker lasses from Thailand would fit the bill naicely.
And because they come up against those sleazy old sex tourists so often, one should have no problem dealing with Philip, who frankly is getting worse than ever. I can’t employ any scullery maid under 65 these days. And even then she needs to fleet on her feet. - BETTY


TWC -Not too sure Harry would go for backpacker babes, Ma‘am. TWC’s bpb correspondent Terrence Tryhard reports most these days are unfortunately in an intense relationship with those serial-seducers Macca’s and Krispy Kreme. Unless Harry is a closet chubby-chaser he might be less than gruntled.
Terrence says a sleek Thai bargirl might be just the ticket - she has certainly lived hard and fast in her youth. And if Harry selects from Patpong’s Ballistic Banana Club she will come with the ability to nail Phil with a dart or five when he gets out of line.

Whoa! Nui learns not to floor the throttle when Tripple Treat Tayla is along for the ride (image - Anfa)

Click to expand - image Wilcox/Sydney Morning Herald


The Worry Collective #21
SAMMY'S LAST STAND
Q: Need another urgent answer, there are Navy Seals in the courtyard! What should I say? - ObL, Abbottabad

TWC: "I'm just the pool guy".

Image - Moir/Sydney Morning Herald


The Worry Collective #22
BUDDY, CAN YOU SPARE A DIME?

Q: We are wondering if your financial whiz FastCash Keynes might condsider contributing to our European Financial Stability Facility? We are raising around 1 trillion Euros but those cheapskate oil states and the Chinese don’t want to pitch in for some reason. Even a few million would help.
Merko and Sarko - Brussels.

TWC: FastCash says sorry, he’s already committed way too much in that area. Just last week he had to send Slugger Simpson and his baseball bat to Athens over some missed interest payments. And he asked me to pass on to you his hopes that the 50% lenders’ haircut you people have been talking about is just smoke - otherwise Slugger may be in for another 20 hour trip on Qantas.

Europe's very serious people in their never-ending round of financial talks are remarkably constant - they set themselves an amazingly low standard and consistently fail to reach it (cropped image Sydney Morning Herald - Wilcox).

The Worry Collective #23
BUDDY CAN YOU SPARE A YACHT?
Q - Any chance we can use your finance guru FastCash Keyne's super-yacht for a meeting of European Financial Stability Fund members in Monaco next week?
Merko and Holla - Brussels.

TWC - FastCash says this is not the time for expensive super yacht junkets. He suggests you restrict your attendance to people who know what they are talking about - that way Princess Caroline's single-kayak should suffice. With room to spare.


European Stability Fund commissioner throws the switch to ACTION (image Colquhoun - Sydney Morning Herald)



The Worry Collective #24
Q Bummer! Some people don’t know what’s good for them.
Any suggestions on a good place for an R and R holiday to Thailand? I’m a guy easily pleased but I’m worried there might not be somewhere without liberals, socialists, unmarried mothers, rape victims, immigrants, welfare goof-offs, radicals, minorities, heathens, the unemployed, gays, lesbians and other perverts. Mitt - Belmont 

TWC - Got just the spot, guvnor. Perfect place to avoid those types is Pattaya. Plus it’s a party town,  great  for losing the blues. Yeah I know any talk of parties makes you nervous, but relax - no crueling Tea Parties to spoil your chances there.


The Axis of Awesome  (image - Moir: Sydney Morning Herald)

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5 comments:

Annelies said...

Hi Tezza,

You are a Koh Phangan expert!
Have you been to Had Chaopao? I can't make up my mind betwee Had Salaad and Had Chaopao.
I like Seaflower in HC and Asia bungalows in HS.
Please help.

Annelies

tezza said...

Whoa +a+ - I only check this page every now and then - most of these questions go to the FORUM page.

I don't claim to be a Koh Phangan expert - been there a few times.
Only called in at Had Chaopao for a look. Those beaches just south of Had Yao west coast are pretty nice - maybe not quite as attractive as Had Salad but quieter. I haven't any experience of those two bungalow choices.

tezza said...

Crikey, I managed to answer the question before it was sent! Good trick unless BLOGGER posts at sender's local time - in which case A must live in New Zealand or somewhere east of Oz.

Annelies said...

Hi Tezza,

No, I am living in Holland! Just the other way! And in my opinion (time) I posted the question on Jan 1st
But it says a.m which is before p.m (your post)

Thanks for the tip of the forum.

tezza said...

Well DUH! Aint I observant?!